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A day in the life of an industrious London school girl and her friends as her crime boss father faces conflict.
This isn't a logline. A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act, using (ideally) no more than 40 words and phrased as a single sentence (maybe two). At the moment, you haven't specified any conflict that our protagonist is experiencing. HeRead more
This isn’t a logline. A logline is a concise summary of the plot up to either the midpoint or the beginning of the final act, using (ideally) no more than 40 words and phrased as a single sentence (maybe two).
At the moment, you haven’t specified any conflict that our protagonist is experiencing. Her father faces conflict, but she doesn’t. So why are we following her story? She needs a goal, obstacles, the incident that kicks her story off, and, most importantly, a hook.
See lessA social media influencer-environmentalist is forced to work with a disreputable concrete manufacturer, to bolster its “green” credibility, after she loses all her money in a card game to the manufacturer’s owner.
And then what happens? What's her goal? What sustains the 90min+ runtime? This is kinda just the inciting incident. Since this is a drama, I feel like her losing ALL her money in a card game is somewhat "because the plot demands it". If it were a comedy, you might (might) get away with it. This is jRead more
And then what happens? What’s her goal? What sustains the 90min+ runtime? This is kinda just the inciting incident.
Since this is a drama, I feel like her losing ALL her money in a card game is somewhat “because the plot demands it”. If it were a comedy, you might (might) get away with it. This is just my opinion though.
I think a stronger protagonist would be one who wasn’t forced into something.
See lessThree friends come together, who once had decided not to meet again. They get together to find their fourth friend.
This isn't really a logline, it's a situation. That being said, I think it's an interesting premise. Three friends, who were never planning on meeting again, coming together to find their missing friend. You need to be specific though. Is their 4th friend missing? Is that the inciting incident? We nRead more
This isn’t really a logline, it’s a situation.
That being said, I think it’s an interesting premise. Three friends, who were never planning on meeting again, coming together to find their missing friend. You need to be specific though. Is their 4th friend missing? Is that the inciting incident? We need to follow one of these three as the protagonist so write it from their perspective.
We also need to understand why this is so difficult. What obstacles are standing in their way? Who’s trying to stop them? We need an antagonist, and we need stakes. What will happen if they don’t find him? Is he in danger?
Surely the title is “And then they were three” since they’ve lost one?
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