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Two British academicians, a Christian girl and a Muslim Pakistani man fall in love with each other and decide to live together but an appalling incident changes their lives forever.
The logline doesn't make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an "appalling incident" is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It's not clear.
The logline doesn’t make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an “appalling incident” is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It’s not clear.
See lessTwo introverts find love in the most unlikely place – Suicide.
As a reader, without your synopsis, I would have been lost. Start with your "neighbors" logline, then show not tell "takes it to another level". Once you have this, post it here for the community or me to provide feedback. Interesting start, keep going!
As a reader, without your synopsis, I would have been lost. Start with your “neighbors” logline, then show not tell “takes it to another level”.
Once you have this, post it here for the community or me to provide feedback.
Interesting start, keep going!
See lessA college football star’s dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he’s charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister’s tragic death.
"college football star" = protagonist "dream of turning pro" = main character goal "jeopardized when he me must care for niece following his sister’s tragic death" = inciting incident Great logline! Has all three important elements, character, goal & conflict. Even has strong emotional qualitiesRead more
“college football star” = protagonist
“dream of turning pro” = main character goal
“jeopardized when he me must care for niece following his sister’s tragic death” = inciting incident
Great logline! Has all three important elements, character, goal & conflict. Even has strong emotional qualities, with death of a sister.
Going deep, does this then mean the ‘niece’ is the antagonist? Seems to be the principle character preventing a hero from achieving his goal.
If so, a possible refinement might be to add a layer of psychology. What kind of character might the niece be? What if she had internal traits directly opposite to the football star? For example, she might be very affectionate, and he might be cold and heartless. Or, she might be sad and remorseful, while he might just want to get on with life. Such a refinement may really add to character arch – a heartless football star -> transforms into -> a warm and loving uncle …
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