The logline describes a story with no end, he enlists in the fight club but how long before he will actually do something to the stepfather?

Perhaps define his intentions in more detail. What if the boy’s nose was broken by?the stepfather, and he wants to break the stepfather’s nose? Other wise what does confront the stepfather actually mean? What exactly is the boy’s goal?

The revised draft of the logline is confusing as it mentions too many actions and goals:
Reducing his death sentence, coming out to his party, challenging the ANC and bringing about a constitutional ban? on discrimination based on sexual orientation. All of these can make for good goals on their own accord, but together in one logline they muddy the waters.

There is a lot going on in this concept, and there is an obvious personal connection to the setting/subject matter, all of which is good for a writer to have as it will show in the script. However, it reads as if, in your mind, these are all parts of a single flow of events playing a part in a continuum, but to someone else the logline can read as fragmented plot – it lacks a unity of action across the many events.

As previously mentioned the stakes are high and clear, which is good, you should set aside your attachment to all the plot points and focus on a single line of action – one clearly defined goal. If his goal is to bring about a constitutional change, then all the actions leading up to this need to serve it. In other words, the inciting incident needs to motivate him to achieve this change so that if he fails the consequences are dire and immediate.? The other goals can be plot points or objectives in the script but not described as equal primary objective goals in the logline.