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A horrendous tragedy befalls the Golden Boy of corporate America and his Fianc? forcing them to deal with it in two different but equally destructive ways, taking one of them to the brink of life and death.
Which one of them does it take to the brink of death and what does? Leaving a logline on a question isn't usually a good idea as it is trying to tell the story not tease it.
Which one of them does it take to the brink of death and what does? Leaving a logline on a question isn’t usually a good idea as it is trying to tell the story not tease it.
See lessWanting to go legit a young drug dealer must do one last run to rescue her sister being held hostage by her boss; knowing she be going to be killed.
"I find often that if a logline can?t be structured well enough to read on its own, it?s indicative of a problem in the story." Part of the problem is that if it's your story, you tend to think every single detail is absolutely important and perfect, and so you want to stuff as much of this awesomenRead more
“I find often that if a logline can?t be structured well enough to read on its own, it?s indicative of a problem in the story.”
Part of the problem is that if it’s your story, you tend to think every single detail is absolutely important and perfect, and so you want to stuff as much of this awesomeness you’ve created into your logline as possible.
“Doug is a ?Drug F%%ked? low level want-a-be drug boss. ?He uses as product as he sells. ”
If Doug’s supposed to be a high, impulsive, stupid kind of guy, then how in the world is the boss of anyone? How is he not in jail? As of now, him kidnapping Ella is just an event you need to happen to make the plot to continue. It isn’t a logical thing any good dealer(meaning one that isn’t in jail) would do based on suspicion alone. It would be easier to just kill the suspected person.
The problem is that if Doug is so stupid, how is he of any good as an antagonist to a drug runner who regularly has to use her wits and creativity to outsmart the authorities? You’re intentionally making the antagonist stupid so the main character is guaranteed to win no matter what; her 13 year old sister is able to escape from him!
If the Joker were actually stupid, then he wouldn’t be the villain that he is. He wouldn’t be the one to cause the most psychological problems Batman has faced in all of comic history.
If an antagonist is stupid it needs to have a different element to challenge the MC. Zombies are numerous and mindless; they simple won’t stop until they eat your brain. Likewise, the titans in “Attack on Titan” are giant, incredibly strong creatures who eat humans for no reason. Behind every mook with a gun there is always the Big Man, the guy who pulls all the strings and is the smarts of the operation.
The antagonist needs to challenge the protagonist either physically, psychologically,?spiritually, something.
Doug is just kind of there. Amy doesn’t defeat him, well, at all. She doesn’t overcome the challenges he throws at her, because he doesn’t really challenge her. He is defeated by his own incompetence, and by a 13 year old girl. Amy should be the one to win, or lose by the antagonist’s hand, and because of the trials she faces she should change as a person. I think you need to rethink your antagonist.
Last thing: If the sacrifice is tacked on to the end of the story, after the goal is already complete, then it means little. If Amy were to sacrifice herself in order to rescue her sister, it would be noble, it would fit the character. But just deciding after her sister is safe to die means that she’s leaving her sister without her; it doesn’t really fit the character.
See lessA grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.
"A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime."Consider excluding?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?and?who gave his life fighting. ?What you'll have left arRead more
“A grieving disciple faces complex emotions and life-changing choices, after the death of her revolutionary mentor who gave his life fighting a totalitarian religious regime.”
Consider excluding?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?and?who gave his life fighting. ?What you’ll have left are some key components you’ve already touched on: the MC, an inciting incident, and the antagonist.
Now all you have to do is say exactly what the MC does in response to this regime causing her mentor’s death; what specific action must the MC take that can take the place of?faces complex emotions and life-changing choices?
And if you must keep?who gave his life fighting,?try rewriting that in active voice instead of passive.
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