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  1. Posted: July 23, 2016In: Drama

    Gault, an ageing Ulster policeman, is wrongly accused of the death of a colleague. The British State conspires against him to protect an agent. The love of his life saves him.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 24, 2016 at 3:56 pm

    What is the action that the main character takes in order to clear his name? This is what will make his story interesting. After he's framed for a policeman's murder and sentenced to death an ageing detective must escape and?[do something interesting] in order to save his life. I believe you have aRead more

    What is the action that the main character takes in order to clear his name?

    This is what will make his story interesting.
    After he’s framed for a policeman’s murder and sentenced to death an ageing detective must escape and?[do something interesting] in order to save his life.

    I believe you have a sound structure here but just lacking the meat on the bone. I made him a detective in order to give him the skills he would need to solve the crime and raised the stakes with a death sentence to add interest. However the main action he takes in the story is not there yet – how will he clear his name?

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  2. Posted: July 19, 2016In: Drama

    After growing up destitute, a young woman must decide between love and mediocrity, or dispassionate opulence.

    Eethan Samurai
    Added an answer on July 22, 2016 at 4:42 pm

    Hey Naven,An inciting incident appears to be missing.?What major event happens that makes the MC have to decide between love and mediocrity? If you answer that, a clear antagonist should come naturally, too.

    Hey Naven,

    An inciting incident appears to be missing.?What major event happens that makes the MC have to decide between love and mediocrity? If you answer that, a clear antagonist should come naturally, too.

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  3. Posted: July 21, 2016In: Drama

    A local message carrier, mid 20’s, travels to an island to tell a woman villager her mother died in the city. But something made him keep the news to himself, and begged never to return again.

    Eethan Samurai
    Added an answer on July 22, 2016 at 4:36 pm

    "A local message carrier, mid 20?s, travels to an island to tell a woman villager her mother died in the city. But something made him keep the news to himself, and begged never to return again." Hey? anjudevera, So, when this local message carrier travels to an island to break some bad news to a womRead more

    “A local message carrier, mid 20?s, travels to an island to tell a woman villager her mother died in the city. But something made him keep the news to himself, and begged never to return again.”

    Hey? anjudevera,

    So, when this local message carrier travels to an island to break some bad news to a woman villager,?what?exactly makes him keep the news to himself? To me, the way the logline is presented, this “something” seems too important for it to not have any clarity. But, if it is a third act spoiler, shift focus on him ultimately keeping the news to himself in a alternate version of this logline and simply clarify his motivation/goal for that decision.

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