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A reluctant Witch rescues a repentant Witch hunter to save her family and investigate a conspiracy that could destroy Elizabethan England.
As DPG pointed out, I did take liberties with the narrative - it's safe to assume the bulk of the series has been structured, but it can't hurt to give a few fresh ideas. That said, the main concern I have with the logline is the lake of clear and immediate personal stakes and causality between theRead more
As DPG pointed out, I did take liberties with the narrative – it’s safe to assume the bulk of the series has been structured, but it can’t hurt to give a few fresh ideas.
That said, the main concern I have with the logline is the lake of clear and immediate personal stakes and causality between the events.
I’m sure that much?work?has been done, but it’s not coming through in the logline.
Without further detail regarding the plot, it’s hard to know exactly what the inciting incident is and how it and the stakes are causally linked to her family, the royal family and the security of the kingdom at large.
Even in series with a seasonal long narrative, which is what this is sounding like, the strength of the first episode is what counts most for selling and attracting audiences. The quality of the primary motivating event, in the first ep, will have a significant impact on how compelling the series will be as a whole. For example in Breaking Bad, if Walter White wasn’t diagnosed with cancer his character would not have been as endearing nor would his action be as compelling. ?Same with our witch here – if her motivation, as established in the first episode, isn’t powerful enough to motivate her to do the voodoo that she do so well (pun intended?), then the resulting narrative in the rest of the season runs the risk of being weak.
Therefore it may be better to think of the logline as a description of episode one instead?of a whole season – what was the event that initially motivated the witch to team up with a witch hunter?
See lessAn abstinent high-school graduate heading for college doesn?t want to say goodbye to his friends but must confront those friends he avoided for that same reason after he lifted a shop, tried drugs and had sex with his friend?s sister.
Agreed with the above. Also must confront his friends is not an action, it's a discussion and part of a scene at best. Once you figure out what the goal is, best to come up with a better description of the action he will take in the story.
Agreed with the above.
Also must confront his friends is not an action, it’s a discussion and part of a scene at best. Once you figure out what the goal is, best to come up with a better description of the action he will take in the story.
See lessA cinephile becomes a spy and uses his film code to help stop Pakistan and India from starting World War 3.
Agreed with the above comments. The causality between the events and character description doesn't add up. How could a film buff prevent a war? Further more the fact that he was a cinephile before becoming a spy, unless it directly relates to the goal, can be dropped - he's a spy trying to prevent aRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
The causality between the events and character description doesn’t add up. How could a film buff prevent a war?
Further more the fact that he was a cinephile before becoming a spy, unless it directly relates to the goal, can be dropped – he’s a spy trying to prevent a war.?As DPG noted?a film code is an unclear description, and it would best be replaced.
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