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When their best friend suddenly dies, an aging couple must go on a road trip to scatter his ashes and rediscover happiness.
Agreed with the above comments. Also I suggest re thinking the causal connection between the events and actions. Why MUST they go on a road trip? How does their friend's death influence them in this way? I believe there is room for subtle plots in film making, and this is a subtle plot or in HollywoRead more
Agreed with the above comments.
Also I suggest re thinking the causal connection between the events and actions. Why MUST they go on a road trip? How does their friend’s death influence them in this way?
I believe there is room for subtle plots in film making, and this is a subtle plot or in Hollywood terms a low concept. However, it still needs to be built on solid logic, which steams from a cause and effect relationship between what happens to the characters and what they do.
See lessWhen his wife dies giving birth to her rapist?s child, a recovering alcoholic chooses to raise the baby alone to resolve his scorn.
Seeing as this is a film, the story needs to be defined better. Dramatic potential aside, you must have a starting point and an end point. Considering the original logline, the inciting incident is his wife's death. This then throws his world off-kilter and he makes the choice to raise the child - eRead more
Seeing as this is a film, the story needs to be defined better. Dramatic potential aside, you must have a starting point and an end point.
Considering the original logline, the inciting incident is his wife’s death. This then throws his world off-kilter and he makes the choice to raise the child – end act one.
What happens now for the duration of act 2? And what MUST he achieve by the end of act 3?
I believe a good choice would be to make him not only raise, and keep safe the child, but also find and punish the rapist. Once he achieves that the audience knows that the MC made a tough choice and restored justice to his world.
See lessWhen a young man takes a decision to marry against a will of his controlling and psychotic mother, his girlfriend mysteriously disappears.
The latest draft of the logline doesn't comply with logline requirements. Please read, and carefully study, the other comments you've already got - it's in your own best interest.A logline MUST FIRST describe a clear inciting incident and then MUST describe a clear, causally connected, goal.DPG specRead more
The latest draft of the logline doesn’t comply with logline requirements. Please read, and carefully study, the other comments you’ve already got – it’s in your own best interest.
A logline MUST FIRST describe a clear inciting incident and then MUST describe a clear, causally connected, goal.
DPG specifically wrote that your logline sets up a situation?and not to a plot as it lacks a goal, Richieve and Moses99 agreed and further explained.?What use is it to keep posting revisions of the same logline without implementing the advise you’re given?
This latest revision contains no specific goal for the MC: “A young man devastated by his?fianc?? sudden disappearance, initiates his own?investigation which leads to his mother, uncovering?her dark side of love for her son.”
Further more the inciting incident is described late in the logline, which dilutes it’s impact. The resulting action isn’t even the MCs but his mother’s and the twist reveal is vague.
Did you mean that “…dark side of love for her son?” is incest? If so write it.
Did you mean the mother is responsible for the fianc?’s disappearance? If so write it.
Be clear with the details of your plot, otherwise you’ll keep describing unmotivated situations made up of?vague and loosely connected events.
See lessHere is an example:
After his fianc? disappears a devastated mama’s boy must rescue the love of his life from his incestuously involved?mother.