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When a struggling college student develops several mental illnesses and delusions as a result of his cheating girlfriend, he is put on the path of recovery when he forms an unlikely bond with a suicide attempt survivor.
What DPG wrote. Also, best to specify a starting point for your story. Currently the logline describes the story starting after he develops problems, but this could take any shape, form or?amount of time. Best to specify one single event that pushed him over the edge, instead of a vague sequence ofRead more
What DPG wrote.
Also, best to specify a starting point for your story. Currently the logline describes the story starting after he develops problems, but this could take any shape, form or?amount of time. Best to specify one single event that pushed him over the edge, instead of a vague sequence of events occurring over an arbitrary amount of time.
See lessWhen a black teenager is murdered, two homicide detectives struggle to set aside their differences as racial tensions erupt in 1990’s New Orleans.
The objective goal is to solve the murder. ?The strained relationship is a complicating factor; they must resolve that complication to achieve their objective goal.As originally written, the logline is a plot with co-protagonists who come with an array of ingredients for a spicy ?gumbo of a workingRead more
The objective goal is to solve the murder. ?The strained relationship is a complicating factor; they must resolve that complication to achieve their objective goal.
As originally written, the logline is a plot with co-protagonists who come with an array of ingredients for a spicy ?gumbo of a working relationship: ?white vs black, female versus male, ambitious rookie versus seasoned veteran. ?More ingredients, perhaps, than can be crammed into a concise logline.
The question I ask myself is : which of the two has the stronger, longer character arc? ? Who has the most to overcome externally and grow internally to achieve the objective goal? ?Whoever it is, perhaps, ought to be the primary protagonist.
I’m inclined to tag the veteran Black detective as a mentor character. He may not be perfect, but he is clearly more experienced and has acquired more street smarts. ?The female detective needs him more than he needs her. ?In fact, initially he probably would ?think he?doesn’t?needs her at all — doesn’t want her at all because she brings more liabilities than assets to the partnership.
Her task, then, in terms of their relationship is to prove she’s a worthy partner as she pursues the objective goal. ?So I’m inclined to suggest refocusing the logline around the female detective.
fwiw
See lessAfter escaping from their previous lives, ten unrelated tenants seek refuge in a shared household to rebuild themselves for the better, only to be hindered by the oncoming cruelties that await them.
What DPG wrote. I'll only add that a good story needs a powerfully motivated character. This is best achieved?in the cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal, however in this instance the logline doesn't describe a single specific and significant event as the incitingRead more
What DPG wrote.
I’ll only add that a good story needs a powerfully motivated character. This is best achieved?in the cause and effect relationship between the inciting incident and the goal, however in this instance the logline doesn’t describe a single specific and significant event as the inciting incident.
See less