1. Posted: February 1, 2017In:

    A victim of inner turmoil, twenty-year-old Stephanie disastrously endeavors to reclaim her joy and happiness.

    JM Logliner

    Hi Gerald. I'm curious about what happened to her that caused her inner turmoil. I'm guessing it's a traumatic situation... or maybe not. It's not clear. Also, you can find joy and happiness in a wide variety of things. For some it's money, for some it's love, for other it's eating chocolate. I'm thRead more

    Hi Gerald. I’m curious about what happened to her that caused her inner turmoil. I’m guessing it’s a traumatic situation… or maybe not. It’s not clear. Also, you can find joy and happiness in a wide variety of things. For some it’s money, for some it’s love, for other it’s eating chocolate. I’m thinking that if she suffered because of something, she’s feeling incomplete. Her goal then may be to regain that or just getting to know what is that something she lost. Cheers.

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  2. Posted: February 1, 2017In:

    When a man’s marriage proposal is curiously rejected, he secretly hires a private investigator to investigate; but when the PI ends up following the wrong girl, the man must learn to differentiate truth from fiction to win his girlfriend back.

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    Neer Shelter Singularity

    I refer you back to my original post; why hire a PI?It simply makes no sense in the context of his dramatic premise - if he wants to marry this one girl and she rejects, no amount of new information that he learns, no matter how he learns it, will change her mind. Look at it from his perspective, exRead more

    I refer you back to my original post; why hire a PI?

    It simply makes no sense in the context of his dramatic premise – if he wants to marry this one girl and she rejects, no amount of new information that he learns, no matter how he learns it, will change her mind. Look at it from his perspective, except for her rejecting him, how does he know something is up?

    Point is, the inciting incident (rejection) doesn’t logically connect via a cause and effect relationship to the goal (get the girl back). Is there something else that could happen to him that’s out of the ordinary that would logically cause him to need to find out the truth?

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  3. Posted: February 1, 2017In:

    “A man caught in the wrong place, at the wrong time, must battle unthinkable odds to deliver a package, and not miss the most rewarding moment of his life.” – ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES by Judah Ray ?

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Loglines are made up of clear causally connected details, the likes of which are missing in this post. Descriptions such as "...unthinkable odds..." work against clarity as they are vague in nature. What is the situation that creates the unthinkable odds? Point is, a good logline will use clear detaRead more

    Loglines are made up of clear causally connected details, the likes of which are missing in this post.

    Descriptions such as “…unthinkable odds…” work against clarity as they are vague in nature. What is the situation that creates the unthinkable odds?

    Point is, a good logline will use clear detail to cause the reader to understand that the MC will face unthinkable odds, not state it literally in the text.

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