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An ordinary biker girl sacrifices her extraordinary corporate career to win her love ; embarks on a solo Motorcycle quest of her inspirational soulmate.
Agreed with Richiev.I just read this post after having responded to the previous version, most of my comments still apply so bellow is my previous post.Bottom line is, it's not clear what specifically happens to the girl, why, what she wants and to what end.??This is both vague and confusing. SorryRead more
Agreed with Richiev.
I just read this post after having responded to the previous version, most of my comments still apply so bellow is my previous post.
Bottom line is, it’s not clear what specifically happens to the girl, why, what she wants and to what end.
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This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.
The main character is a biker girl ? good.
What is her inciting incident, or in other words, what motivates her to HAVE to take action for fear of something very bad happening?
What is her flaw, what is the characteristic that she must overcome over the course of the story?
Lastly, and most importantly, what is her goal? Without this last item there is no plot and without a plot there is no story.
I suggest you check out the ?Formula? tab for more information about constructing loglines.
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A passionate biker girl sacrifices her successful banking career for true love; embarks on a love quest of her inspirational soulmate who Architects her Motorcycle feat of a life time.
This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.The main character is a biker girl - good.What is her inciting incident, or in other woRead more
This is both vague and confusing. Sorry for the negative opening to my post, but the primary function of a logline is to clearly describe a plot, but in this case, the plot is unclear and the wording is confusing.
The main character is a biker girl – good.
What is her inciting incident, or in other words, what motivates her to HAVE to take action for fear of something very bad happening?
What is her flaw, what is the characteristic that she must overcome over the course of the story?
Lastly, and most importantly, what is her goal? Without this last item there is no plot and without a plot there is no story.
I suggest you check out the ‘Formula’ tab for more information about constructing loglines.
See lessWhen the king becomes deathly ill, the legalistic crown prince, armed with King Solomon-like wisdom and Bruce Lee-like skills, must save the gun-controlled country from a powerful and lawless uncle.
A story is about something (A Theme) It could be redemption It could be, love conquers all It could be, brotherhood. I am not seeing a focus on a theme in your story. It could be coming of age It could be, revenge It could be, justice or it could be a morality tale about the evils of gun control. IRead more
A story is about something (A Theme)
It could be redemption
It could be, love conquers all
It could be, brotherhood.
I am not seeing a focus on a theme in your story.
It could be coming of age
It could be, revenge
It could be, justice
or it could be a morality tale about the evils of gun control.
I would look at the theme of your story, then re-write the logline to showcase that theme.
—–
Revenge:
“When his father is poisoned, an out-of-touch crown prince must rally the common man to take down his evil uncle who has usurped the throne.”
Also, because I have given him the weakness of being out-of-touch we can now see how rallying the people might be a difficult task for the prince
See less—–
Justice:
“When his evil uncle usurps the thrown and savagely exploits the people, Crown Prince gives up his pacifist?ways, ?dawns a disguise and protects the common man from his uncles cruelty.”
hope that helped