Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer’s murderous grandson.
"When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer?s murderous grandson." The inciting incident doesn't seem to have anything to do with the goal. What do these coins have to do with the cold case, and the grandson the cop is tryiRead more
“When a find of ancient coins is stolen, a policeman must track a cold case from Nazi Germany to catch a Gestapo Officer?s murderous grandson.”
The inciting incident doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the goal. What do these coins have to do with the cold case, and the grandson the cop is trying to stop? That needs to be made clear. ?It also needs to be made clear how solving the cold case leads to catching the grandson.
See lessOn another note you have a hook, the tie-in to Nazi Germany, but you don’t have a personal connection for the cop. Why is he/she doing this? What happens if they don’t catch the killer, what personal stakes are there?
A reclusive mathematical genius must abandon the only world she knows to flee cross-country with the mysterious stranger who has just killed her formidable would-be assassin with his bare hands.
We should probably be told why she has to go across the county.
We should probably be told why she has to go across the county.
See lessWhen a Maori tribe surrounds another, a young Maori warrior who is mute rises up and earns a terrifying reputation until he meets an English female doctor who leads him down a path of love and self-discovery.
From the explanations given on the thread, it sounds like the doctor could be the main character. Personally, I find the warrior a far more interesting character and would like to see his story. The relationship angle, on its own, is a bit weak as it is internally experienced by the characters withRead more
From the explanations given on the thread, it sounds like the doctor could be the main character. Personally, I find the warrior a far more interesting character and would like to see his story. The relationship angle, on its own, is a bit weak as it is internally experienced by the characters with very little visual action – holding hands, kissing and lovemaking is not action. By action, I mean an effort invested with the intention of achieving a goal.
So back to the question at hand, what is it the warrior wants more than anything?
I’d say he wants to protect his tribe, in order to do this he must defeat the enemy. How he defeats the enemy can be a visual representation of his inner journey – his arch. His new found love for the doctor made him receptive to her teachings (she’s his mentor) it’s her teachings that transforms him and makes him change his ways. Therefore I revert to my original suggestion, make him go from brute to diplomat. This gives you the ability to write an action that will be clearly visible on screen, such as; he’s about to cut the enemy’s head off, but instead of swinging the blade down on to the neck it hits the ground – the start of a new era for his and other tribes.
See less