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  1. Posted: May 8, 2017In: Drama

    When diagnosed with terminal cancer, a shy gamer has a month to enlist help from her ex-eSports team in order to win an international competition.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on May 9, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    There is no causal connection between the inciting incident and goal - she is diagnosed, and then must (?) win a competition. Why must she win? If, however, she was already the linchpin in a team of gamers and there was a lot riding on them winning but then she gets diagnosed, then the pressure is oRead more

    There is no causal connection between the inciting incident and goal – she is diagnosed, and then must (?) win a competition. Why must she win?

    If, however, she was already the linchpin in a team of gamers and there was a lot riding on them winning but then she gets diagnosed, then the pressure is on and she MUST win with in a month or else.

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  2. Posted: May 3, 2017In: Drama

    A desperately lonely woman is unknowingly trapped in purgatory until her grieving husband is finally able to let her go

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on May 6, 2017 at 10:20 am

    If the husband is the protagonist that would make the McGuffin. So try writing it from the husbands POV and it enables action to be entered. A grieving husband must ..... to release his wife that doesn't realise she is stuck in purgatory. I may even drop the wife's knowledge. Leave it for the story.

    If the husband is the protagonist that would make the McGuffin. So try writing it from the husbands POV and it enables action to be entered.

    A grieving husband must ….. to release his wife that doesn’t realise she is stuck in purgatory.

    I may even drop the wife’s knowledge. Leave it for the story.

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  3. Posted: May 2, 2017In: Drama

    When he sees the teacher who sexually assaulted him as a child, a young executive’s memories of years of abuse flood back and he embarks on a mission to protect other boys, only to discover what he really seeks is to avenge his abused friend?s suicide.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 5, 2017 at 2:29 am

    AHStitt:It seems to me your logline aims too low in terms of the objective goal.I don?t see how his end of Act 1 objective goal can be anything less than to want to bring the pedophile to justice ? to expose the pedophile with enough evidence to win his conviction, get him locked up for his crimes.WRead more

    AHStitt:

    It seems to me your logline aims too low in terms of the objective goal.

    I don?t see how his end of Act 1 objective goal can be anything less than to want to bring the pedophile to justice ? to expose the pedophile with enough evidence to win his conviction, get him locked up for his crimes.

    Why would he want, why would he settle for anything less? ?It’s a positive, a noble, a socially desirable goal, one the entire audience can root for. And it gives the audience an audio/visual moment that signals he has succeeded, when the jury returns a guilty verdict, ?the judge pronounces sentence.

    This is a story where the protagonist must aim high from the git-go. ?The abominable nature of the crimes, the stakes of the innocent, vulnerable victims demand ?no less, imho.

    The plot — and logline — should be about the biggest dream, the most important and meaningful goal, the must-have object, the must-do achievement in the life of the protagonist at the time in his life?in which the story is set.

    fwiw

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