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  1. Posted: May 10, 2017In: Drama

    A desperate, talented rocker strikes a deal with someone worse than the devil: her father, in a last effort attempt to keep her rock star dreams alive.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on May 11, 2017 at 8:02 am

    What Foxtrot25 said. ? I don't see see how her success or failure is contingent on her father.?And it shouldn't be. ?A protagonist should be a proactive character which means her success is contingent on her own efforts and talents -- not on the someone else's.If she's got the talent, it may take aRead more

    What Foxtrot25 said. ? I don’t see see how her success or failure is contingent on her father.?

    And it shouldn’t be. ?A protagonist should be a proactive character which means her success is contingent on her own efforts and talents — not on the someone else’s.

    If she’s got the talent, it may take a while longer and more effort, but she should be able to make it on her own. ?Cream rises to the top. ?That’s the way the “a star is born” trope works: every possible and setback is thrown in the character’s way — not conveniently removed– and she succeeds in spite of them. ?

    We admire and root for characters who take bold risks in pursuit of their Biggest Dream. ?Characters who compromise on their Biggest Dream and cut deals with the devil — not so much.

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  2. Posted: May 2, 2017In: Drama

    Rework: When an Australian find of Nazi-confiscated, priceless coins is stolen in a double murder, a Police Detective must solve another forty year old crime to find the culprit.

    CaptainMayI19pp Logliner
    Added an answer on May 11, 2017 at 12:50 am

    The protagonist's goal, the conflict, who's the antagonist. What is at stake if he fails?

    The protagonist’s goal, the conflict, who’s the antagonist. What is at stake if he fails?

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  3. Posted: May 4, 2017In: Drama

    When several soldiers mysteriously die during training, a young soldier learns that his supervisor is responsible for the deaths and must fight to prevent future deaths.

    Solace1016 Logliner
    Added an answer on May 10, 2017 at 5:50 am

    Sounds like a great premise, I have a few suggestions you might (or might not!) want to play with.?Consider upping the stakes by adding an adjective to specify the odd/gruesome/etc. details about the deaths , include a?character flaw by adding a different?adjective to describe the soldier (e.g. paraRead more

    Sounds like a great premise, I have a few suggestions you might (or might not!) want to play with.?Consider upping the stakes by adding an adjective to specify the odd/gruesome/etc. details about the deaths , include a?character flaw by adding a different?adjective to describe the soldier (e.g. paranoid, overly zealous, former juvenile delinquent, etc.)?Maybe strengthen the “is responsible for the deaths” with something less passive (e.g. sacrificed his men in a corrupt power-play, or similar) and maybe strengthen the stakes by adding a consequence for failure (e.g. .. must fight to prevent future deaths… “including his own” or “before he is court-martialed”? or “before his supervisor discovers he is exposed” or something along those lines.??Best of luck

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