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  1. Posted: May 14, 2017In: Drama

    Summoned to find a killer, a jaded CIA agent discovers unimaginable corruption, can?t identify the true enemy, and must find them, stop them, join them or die trying.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on May 15, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Without getting into your elements, you MUST proof this awfully long run on sentence into something more manageable. Then check?https://loglines.org/howto/ ?and follow the advice there.

    Without getting into your elements, you MUST proof this awfully long run on sentence into something more manageable.

    Then check?https://loglines.org/howto/ ?and follow the advice there.

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  2. Posted: May 8, 2017In: Drama

    The international

    Solace1016 Logliner
    Added an answer on May 12, 2017 at 7:18 am

    I like where this is going but I think the crux of your story is not clear based solely on this logline. ?There are a fair number of "diagnosed with cancer" stories around and I want to know what makes yours special. ?The way it reads, the cancer diagnosis ?is the inciting incident, the story goal iRead more

    I like where this is going but I think the crux of your story is not clear based solely on this logline. ?There are a fair number of “diagnosed with cancer” stories around and I want to know what makes yours special. ?The way it reads, the cancer diagnosis ?is the inciting incident, the story goal is to win the competition but what are the stakes, dying first? ?I’d like to see some kind of irony like if she is so shy, maybe the competition will require her to “break out” of her shell. If winning is the external goal, maybe getting out of the cyber world and connecting with real people before she passes is the internal goal. ?Either way, I want to know why we should care (this sounds morbid) whether she dies before she wins (or at all.) ?Could also use an explanation as to why enlisting help from her former teammates would be a challenge (who turns down a dying cancer patient?) Keep at it until your logline does your story justice!

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  3. Posted: May 9, 2017In: Drama

    After falling pregnant on a one night stand, a woman forms a unique bond with her child?s dying paternal grandmother.

    aliribbon Penpusher
    Added an answer on May 11, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    Thanks everyone. I had a feeling I'd get this kind of response. It's all written, I know the hook, I just need to work out how to explain it quickly. I'll be back.

    Thanks everyone. I had a feeling I’d get this kind of response. It’s all written, I know the hook, I just need to work out how to explain it quickly. I’ll be back.

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