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  1. Posted: June 12, 2017In: Drama

    A grieving truck driver has a life affirming conversation with a mysterious stranger over his CB radio

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 14, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    I concur with Nir Shelter that "Locke" is something of a one-off.Further I would argue that ?"Locke" is not necessarily a good example for a newbie, someone trying to break into the business with their 1st sale, to emulate as their entree project, the one they hope will get their foot in the door. ?Read more

    I concur with Nir Shelter that “Locke” is something of a one-off.

    Further I would argue that ?”Locke” is not necessarily a good example for a newbie, someone trying to break into the business with their 1st sale, to emulate as their entree project, the one they hope will get their foot in the door.

    ?”Locke” was written and directed by someone who was already well established in the the movie business, who had a track record of produced scripts, an agent, connections ?– advantages a newbie needs for a project like this and doesn’t have. If it had been his first writing effort, I doubt if he could have gotten it made. This is something I think aspiring writers need to evaluate in pointing to this or that movie to justify the kind of story they are writing. ?At what point in the writer’s career, did he get the film that is similar to the one you have in mind, made? ?Was it is his first effort or was it a project he got green lit after he had become established in the industry?

    As an aspiring writer myself, a newbie trying to break into the business, I’m leading with what I think is my most marketable idea. ?Not the one nearest and dearest to my arteriosclerotic ?heart. ?(Although I am quite passionate about my lead project — passion is a sin qua non to writing, of course.)?

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: June 13, 2017In: Drama

    Another rewrite: When a young Muslim woman with dream for true love finds love outside her faith, her betrothed seeks to avenge his honor and the honor of his family.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 14, 2017 at 2:06 am

    I think you have the raw material for a compelling human drama, but this version hides what originally hooked my interest and what I think makes the story stand out as different, unique from the 10001 stories about star-crossed romance.Romeo was looking for true love, too. But that's not the plot ofRead more

    I think you have the raw material for a compelling human drama, but this version hides what originally hooked my interest and what I think makes the story stand out as different, unique from the 10001 stories about star-crossed romance.

    Romeo was looking for true love, too. But that’s not the plot of Shakespeare’s immortal play. ?The plot is about what happens after he falls in love with a specific girl, Juliet.

    So be specific.

    That includes being specific about the setting, Norway, and her status, that she’s an emigrant. ?Otherwise, logline readers are going to assume the setting is in the Middle East. ?Maybe in Israel (“outside her faith” could mean he’s Jewish) or Egypt (where “outside her faith” could mean he’s Coptic).

    The setting is a distinguishing feature, a central element of the story hook, and the logline should advertise it.

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  3. Posted: June 13, 2017In: Drama

    Rewrite: When a muslim woman- betrothed as a child, follows her dream to choose her husband by herself, she must face terrorisation from her betrothed who feels dishonored.

    Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
    Added an answer on June 13, 2017 at 11:05 am

    Benneth, Sorry to say that I like the last version better.

    Benneth,

    Sorry to say that I like the last version better.

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