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  1. Posted: August 21, 2017In: Drama

    When a TV program is set to launch an expose on a commune, a member who sought refuge in the group because his grandfather’s murder was instigated by the media, devices a plan to sabotage the TV network and protect his identity.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 23, 2017 at 4:53 am

    As Foxtrot25 said.As far as I can understand the story, the protagonist's action line seems rather weak. ?Job #1 for a protagonist is to be proactive. ? But in this scenario, as far as I can tell, he's more reactive than proactive. Others drive him and the story when he should be in the driver's seaRead more

    As Foxtrot25 said.

    As far as I can understand the story, the protagonist’s action line seems rather weak. ?Job #1 for a protagonist is to be proactive. ? But in this scenario, as far as I can tell, he’s more reactive than proactive. Others drive him and the story when he should be in the driver’s seat, driving the story himself.

    And ?”sabotage” only amounts to him trying to talk the leadership out of letting the TV crew on the ground? ?That’s weak tea for an action line.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: August 19, 2017In: Drama

    After years of forced thievery under his older brother, a repentant young burglar sets out to make amends with the people he’s wronged.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 20, 2017 at 2:40 am

    As others have said. ?What's the inciting incident? ?Why after all these years, does he do a 180 and decide to amend his wicked ways?And who/what opposes him? ?Who or what makes it difficult for him to make amends? What are the stakes, the jeopardy he places himself in by making amends?

    As others have said. ?

    What’s the inciting incident? ?Why after all these years, does he do a 180 and decide to amend his wicked ways?

    And who/what opposes him? ?Who or what makes it difficult for him to make amends? What are the stakes, the jeopardy he places himself in by making amends?

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  3. Posted: July 28, 2017In: Drama

    Three estranged sisters need to overcome sibling rivalry when Alzheimer?s and stroke require they care for their parents as they discover what happiness and family truly are.

    Roberto Alto Logliner
    Added an answer on August 17, 2017 at 12:40 am

    The first concern is the equalizing of the three sisters - three equal roles? For beginning screenwriters, the recommendation is to focus on one protagonist. Maybe it is the most estranged sister who comes back to find two sisters who have been dealing with mom all along. Or maybe it is the "closestRead more

    The first concern is the equalizing of the three sisters – three equal roles? For beginning screenwriters, the recommendation is to focus on one protagonist. Maybe it is the most estranged sister who comes back to find two sisters who have been dealing with mom all along. Or maybe it is the “closest to mom” sister who is now the mediator between mom and the two sisters who fled, who are suddenly in the picture. For me, the latter would be the most interesting because given Alzheimer’s progression, which you can also zoom in on, there’s a phase where some memories are accurate and others are not. The “closes to mom” sister would have to act as the truth-teller and this would lead to a new type of bond – namely, great appreciation for the sister who stayed home. Great appreciation can be as powerful as “happy,” perhaps more so. The big missing component here is the “event.” What leads to this situation? Maybe when somewhat still independent mom changes her will and “closest to mom” finds out and reaches out to the other two to let them know they have been cut out, leading to their very fast appearance. ?Money goals start it all off… How about: “When a mother’s slowly progressing Alzheimer’s leads her to change her will and cut out two estranged daughters, the at-home daughter reaches out to her sisters to device a plan to get them back in the picture for their own benefit and to re-establish a family bond.”

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