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A kind-hearted, school teacher is ready to move into his first home but finds one problem–a woman in a blood-stained nightgown–hiding in the closet.
Good point raised by Foxtrot25. You ended the logline with the inciting incident but failed to describe his goal - the most important thing in a logline. I suggest you restructure the sentence so it starts with the discovery: After a school teacher discovers a woman wearing a blood-soaked nightgownRead more
Good point raised by Foxtrot25.
You ended the logline with the inciting incident but failed to describe his goal – the most important thing in a logline. I suggest you restructure the sentence so it starts with the discovery: After a school teacher discovers a woman wearing a blood-soaked nightgown in his new home, he must…
However, as Richiev pointed out, he can call the cops end of story. What this means is that the concept is lacking obstacles and conflict, why is this a problem for him? What’s stopping him from kicking her out or calling the police?
See lessAfter receiving a video of her perfect fianc? committing what looks like a sexual assault, the soon-to-be bride is torn between trusting her man or trusting her gut.
As Richiev said. Of course, the video creates internal conflict.? But loglines are about external conflict.? More specifically, this logline needs to lay out what she does about what she has discovered.? Because of the video, what becomes her objective goal?
As Richiev said.
Of course, the video creates internal conflict.? But loglines are about external conflict.? More specifically, this logline needs to lay out what she does about what she has discovered.? Because of the video, what becomes her objective goal?
See lessWhen she inadvertently creates an empathetic AI in her online search for Mr. Right, a lonely computer programmer, comes under intense government scrutiny, which leaves her with only one option?interacting with a human.
Good points made by Richiev and DPG. I'll make the same suggestion I previously made on the older version - why not write it from the AI's point of view? He or she has the most to lose - it's a life and death situation for him or her. Logically, the fight for survival, when coupled with a fight forRead more
Good points made by Richiev and DPG.
I’ll make the same suggestion I previously made on the older version – why not write it from the AI’s point of view?
He or she has the most to lose – it’s a life and death situation for him or her. Logically, the fight for survival, when coupled with a fight for love, would elevate the sci-fi elements in your story.
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