The wording is clumsy so it’s not clear to me what the story is about,? Suffice it to say that the hook of the story is the disorder.? And the character who owns the hook would seem to make for a more interesting protagonist than the girl.? ?So perhaps the logline and plot should be recast/reframed with him in that role.

Also,? the logline lacks for a clearly defined objective goal that arises as a result of — or in spite of — the disorder.? Taking the logline in its current wording,? “come in terms” makes no sense. And “fully losing sight of who she is” is amorphous, too vague — and too subjective –? to qualify as an objective goal.

Also, the disorder is not generally known so it can’t be just thrown out there in a logline with the expectation that readers will understand what the problem is.? Or that readers will take the time to google for information.? Readers are fast and furious when it comes to loglines; they are too impatient, to busy to slow down, detour their attention to a web search.

Also Depersonalization Disorder (DD) is an intensely internal, profoundly subjective experience.? But film is a visual medium? How can an internal experience like DD be graphically externalized for the sake of film?

fwiw