1. Posted: February 23, 2018In:

    Fueled by an encounter with a haunted house, a novice paranormal investigator battles the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn with her reluctant best friend.

    sueberger3 Penpusher

    Shorten? A novice paranormal investigator and her reluctant best friend battle the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn.

    Shorten?
    A novice paranormal investigator and her reluctant best friend battle the supernatural for those with nowhere else to turn.

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  2. Posted: February 23, 2018In:

    Devastated by the murder of his famous screenwriters murder, only brother seeks justice as police and FBI aren’t making enough progress, and pursues bipolar suspect, hindered at every turn by influential family.

    Richiev Singularity

    One of the problems with this logline is we know more about the victim than the lead character, The victim is a famous screenwriter, the lead character is a brother. I would switch that around... drop the details about the brother in the logline and add details about the lead character so we get anRead more

    One of the problems with this logline is we know more about the victim than the lead character,
    The victim is a famous screenwriter, the lead character is a brother.
    I would switch that around…
    drop the details about the brother in the logline and add details about the lead character so we get an idea of who we are following.

    “When his famous brother is ritually murdered, a struggling writer delves into the shadowy world of the occult to discover the killer”

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  3. Posted: February 22, 2018In:

    A young girl struggles to keep her family together after her mother gets hooked on drugs.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The structure of the logline is off - it should be inciting incident first then the MC's action. After her mother gets hooked on heroin, a girl must... Give her a better description than "...young girl..." - it's so generic that I have no idea who she is or what her flaw would be. Secondly, "...keepRead more

    The structure of the logline is off – it should be inciting incident first then the MC’s action.

    After her mother gets hooked on heroin, a girl must…

    Give her a better description than “…young girl…” – it’s so generic that I have no idea who she is or what her flaw would be.

    Secondly, “…keep her family together…” is a vague description of her actions in the story, what specifically will she do to keep them together? And how will we, the audience, know she succeeded? What final objective will illustrate that visually, or in other words, what specifically is her goal?

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