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A married womans’ affair threatens a small town family honor her young son, confused and hurt murders his mothers’ lover, leaving a protective grandmother to take the blame
Pretty much rephrasing what Nir said lol:While it sounds like you have an interesting story in mind, don?t forget, that loglines are a very specific tool, for a few specific purposes. Are you sure you studied the formula Karel Segers has prepared?When this happens, this person has to do that (to achRead more
Pretty much rephrasing what Nir said lol:
While it sounds like you have an interesting story in mind, don?t forget, that loglines are a very specific tool, for a few specific purposes. Are you sure you studied the formula Karel Segers has prepared?
When this happens, this person has to do that (to achieve and or avoid this pr that).
Kinda. Very basically. Also important to pick one main character.
See lessTouched by his family’s grief, a deceased, self-centred college graduate has three days until his funeral to show his family how much they mean to him too so he can have peace in the afterlife.
It's a bit hard to get a good grasp on this concept - The MC is deceased AND is in limbo AND has three days before his funeral to do what he can to ensure a peaceful afterlife. There are established guidelines for the concept of the afterlife and you've made up a new rule that at the funeral the decRead more
It’s a bit hard to get a good grasp on this concept – The MC is deceased AND is in limbo AND has three days before his funeral to do what he can to ensure a peaceful afterlife. There are established guidelines for the concept of the afterlife and you’ve made up a new rule that at the funeral the deceased will be judged or in some other way given the opportunity to be peaceful. In addition, the inciting incident is him being touched by the family’s grief and all he has to do is show them he cared about them.
The premise is strange, the inciting incident vague and the stakes are low.
Why not use his death as the inciting incident – that’s literally a life changing event, and as opposed to “…being touched by his family’s grief…” it provides a far greater reason for him to be motivated.
Secondly, instead of specifying an arbitrary time restriction, why not have Saint Peter give him the opportunity to redeem himself. Last thing, better if you give him a bigger stake – in other words, at the pearly gates Petey also tells him that if he fails he’ll spend eternity in hell sitting on hot coals and listening to Justin Bieber “Baby Baby” on repeat.
See lessRevision #2: When a depressed drunk he assists claims to be a cupid, a widowered psychiatrist who?s forgotten how to feel love must see the world through the drunk’s eyes to uncover the truth and help him find a reason to live again.
Thanks for the clarification.>>>drinking is a symptom of the depressionWell...? It is also the case that the drunk has to be a person who is vulnerable to abusing alcohol.? Any reason, any excuse will do.? Because there are other people who suffer from depression but don't resort to gettingRead more
Thanks for the clarification.
>>>drinking is a symptom of the depression
Well…? It is also the case that the drunk has to be a person who is vulnerable to abusing alcohol.? Any reason, any excuse will do.? Because there are other people who suffer from depression but don’t resort to getting drunk.? So? it seems to me?to be accurate to say the the therapist’s objective goal is also to sober up the drunk.? His alcoholism entails his depression.
And, more important for the script,? whether you believe his primary problem is drinking or depression, getting and staying sober is the objective indicator that the shrink has succeeded in helping the drunk.? (What other objective indicator could there be?)
BTW:? I suggest another reason why it is not necessary to discuss the therapist’s subjective need in the logline.? And that is, it is not the story hook, the factor that will make movie makers sit up , pique their interest in the script.
The story hook is a drunk who thinks he’s cupid.? That’s what piqued my interest.? Not the therapist’s personal problems. Just as in “Equus” the story hook is not that the shrink is burned out, trapped in a loveless, passionless marriage.? The story hook is that he’s asked to treat a teenager who has blinded six horses.
And in real life,? a similar hook was what inspired the author, Peter Schaffer, to write the play.? He heard about an shocking incident where a stable boy had attacked some horses under his charge.? This piqued his interest, got his creative juices flowing.? ?He knew no other details , never found an explanation for the? crime.
It seemed incomprehensible to him.? So,? as he says in his introduction to the published version of the play,? he set out to “create a mental world in which the deed could be comprehensible.”
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