1. Posted: May 3, 2018In:

    Three internally flawed women, with traumatic childhoods, are forced to navigate through life?s peaks and valleys in the affluent suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Much like your other logline, this lacks a clear protagonist, event, action, and goal. Good loglines use specific detail to describe a plot. So, what does "...internally flawed..." mean? State the flaws, not the fact that they exist. What does "...traumatic childhoods..." mean? Were they beaten, rapRead more

    Much like your other logline, this lacks a clear protagonist, event, action, and goal.

    Good loglines use specific detail to describe a plot. So, what does “…internally flawed…” mean? State the flaws, not the fact that they exist.
    What does “…traumatic childhoods…” mean? Were they beaten, raped, kidnapped? Describe what happened to them that made them who or what they are.
    “…life’s peaks and valleys…” is too vague as it applies to everyone. What specifically must these characters do, and most importantly of all, to what end? What is their goal?

    Best you focus on one character, writing a single protagonist plot is hard enough much less a plot about three. First-time writers should learn the craft and form of a simpler story before trying to write more complex stories.

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  2. Posted: May 3, 2018In:

    Three childhood friends mimic the devastating dynamics of their parental relationships, even to the point of committing murder.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    As Richiev wrote, this logline lacks the critical elements of a story. Check out our 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more information about logline conventions.

    As Richiev wrote, this logline lacks the critical elements of a story.

    Check out our ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information about logline conventions.

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  3. Posted: April 22, 2018In:

    When a businessman sells up to recover from debilitating injury, he embarks on an apparently simple quest to trace the origin of a family heirloom.

    Jessie Samurai

    Hi Russel! Just go back to formula. The incident in something that happens to the character. So, the injury? So more clearly, the need to pay a steep medical bill? Character: a businessman. You could give us a juicy character flaw, here. Action: ascertain value Maybe something like: When he can?t afRead more

    Hi Russel!

    Just go back to formula. The incident in something that happens to the character. So, the injury? So more clearly, the need to pay a steep medical bill?

    Character: a businessman. You could give us a juicy character flaw, here.

    Action: ascertain value

    Maybe something like:

    When he can?t afford a medical bill, a loner (?) businessman must connect with his outrageous relatives to prove the origin of a valuable family heirloom.

    Obviously, replace my suggestions, with what makes sense for your story. 🙂

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