Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
A knight assembles a clandestine operation in order to rescue the princess of Jerusalem from the infamous king during the crusades.
I think his logline is about the plan more than the action of rescuing. I think It could be like this: ...during the crusades, a knight must rescue a princess to save her kingdom before they kill her. Because the plan could be shown in a scene, however it is not about the plan or yes? (sorry if my eRead more
I think his logline is about the plan more than the action of rescuing. I think It could be like this: …during the crusades, a knight must rescue a princess to save her kingdom before they kill her.
See lessBecause the plan could be shown in a scene, however it is not about the plan or yes?
(sorry if my english is bad)
After a crisis of faith forces him to leave his 17-year career, a restless pastor must create a new tribe for himself and the other spiritually homeless.
There may be an interesting drama here, but it's hard for me to get a grip on what the story is about. The logline lacks a clearly defined inciting incident.? For the purpose of plotting, the spiritual crisis is not the inciting incident.? It is not the First Cause that sets the plot in motion.? RatRead more
There may be an interesting drama here, but it’s hard for me to get a grip on what the story is about.
The logline lacks a clearly defined inciting incident.? For the purpose of plotting, the spiritual crisis is not the inciting incident.? It is not the First Cause that sets the plot in motion.? Rather it is a consequence, the result of a traumatic suffering, a shocking discovery, a terrible setback — some event that shatters the pastor’s world and world view and causes him to question his faith.? That event is the inciting incident.? What is it?
Also, I notice that the logline indicates that while he leaves his profession, he does not abandon his calling.? He still believes he has been called to be a shepherd? of men,? a spiritual leader.? But now he’s looking to round up a new flock to follow him, one composed of spiritual sheep wandering in the wilderness of doubt and despair.
It’s typical for fallen spiritual leaders to believe they still have a calling , no matter how far from grace they have fallen.? As Robert Duvall? portrayed on in his 1997 film “The Apostle”, where the? protagonist is? deeply flawed,? a womanizer, a drinker,? who never abandons his faith in his calling no matter how? may times he strays off the strait and narrow path of righteousness.? (Which is frequently and greatly.)
What is this pastor’s character flaw?? What personal problem must he overcome to achieve his goal of raising up a new flock?? (His spiritual crisis is a problem that may arise from a character flaw, but by itself it does not constitute a flaw.)
fwiw
See lessWhen a misguided and socially frustrated young Muslim is manipulated online by a violent female imposter this nerve-shredding urban drama constructs a series of events that entwines the stringent crimes of some of modern societies most deviant personalities.
The way you have written your logline makes the plot sounds like a series of episodic events. What is the key question underpinning this story? It would be useful to make this come out in the logline. And as the other comments have stated, to redraft the logline form the protagonist's viewpoint, assRead more
The way you have written your logline makes the plot sounds like a series of episodic events. What is the key question underpinning this story? It would be useful to make this come out in the logline. And as the other comments have stated, to redraft the logline form the protagonist’s viewpoint, assumed here to be the ‘misguided and socially frustrated young muslim’. Not sure which of these descriptions of the protagonist are pivotal to the story. Worth looking at which are the most meaningful descriptors from the story’s perspective, and only including those. Is the violent female imposter the antagonist? What is the protagonist’s objective or goal, and how does the antagonist get in his way?
See lessExplanatory text such as ‘ this nerve shredding drama’ is more for marketing hype than of value in a logline, so there is scope to reduce the length of your logline and focus it on the story itself – what does the protagonist learn or overcome in order for the film to reach its climax, what is the hook, and what is the story really about? At this stage, I don’t see a clear story in it. Hope this is helpful. Good luck with it.