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When Langa’s father is crippled financially, Langa’s life takes an about-turn and she struggles to elevate herself to the heights of success using her singing talent.
"When her father is crippled..." Now we have a strong inciting incident. This is a good opener!One of the problems with this is, people don't make money following their dreams of stardom.As a result, when trouble happens, they are usually forced to get a day job to pay the bills.So in the real worldRead more
“When her father is crippled…” Now we have a strong inciting incident. This is a good opener!
One of the problems with this is, people don’t make money following their dreams of stardom.
As a result, when trouble happens, they are usually forced to get a day job to pay the bills.
So in the real world, if her father is crippled and she must become the breadwinner, then she would be forced to get ‘a real job’
The conflict would be trying to take care of her family while still holding onto her dreams.
In your logline, her father is crippled so she pursues her singing career. This, (if not handled correctly) will seem kind of selfish.
Why is she pursuing her dream of stardom while her father is crippled?
It is hard to take care of your family when you are a starving artist.
See lessThere we go again: A once-shining high-school choir lead vocalist battles her dire situation by using her singing talent to elevate herself to the heights of success after her father suddenly goes broke.
"When her father goes broke, a talented but unsuccessful singer must 'get a real job' to take care of her family while juggling her dream of becoming a star."
“When her father goes broke, a talented but unsuccessful singer must ‘get a real job’ to take care of her family while juggling her dream of becoming a star.”
See lessA lonely young boy becomes mute after the death of his sister but, with the help of a talking toy fox, he rediscovers his voice and performs in the school play.
I really like the premise for this film. Emotionally it's very strong BUT as the others have pointed out it's difficult to know exactly what's going on in the film. Rediscovering his voice is the goal but there needs to be a visual way of showing this journey and that needs to come across in the logRead more
I really like the premise for this film. Emotionally it’s very strong BUT as the others have pointed out it’s difficult to know exactly what’s going on in the film. Rediscovering his voice is the goal but there needs to be a visual way of showing this journey and that needs to come across in the logline.?giannisggeorgiou’s suggestion of?exploring another world and giving the boy a quest to locate his missing voice is great! But if you wanted to make the story more grounded you’ll need to find something that represents his emotional journey to find his voice – this journey is also his quest to get over the loss of his sister… maybe he finds his sister’s diary and in there she talks about something she buried for him to find?
Whilst the school play provides a great emotional moment at the end of the film, it needs to be more tied into the story for the maximum effect. Maybe the sister was dying of cancer and she loved hearing her little brother sing to her while she was in hospital? Make it so that moment is more than just him finding his voice. It has to be believable too – why would he be in the school play if he was mute?
Keep going with this, to me it’s a great holiday film for this time of year. Just need to tie some of the elements together and make it as visual as possible.
Hope this helps.?
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