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A disillusioned Catholic priest, the illegitimate son of a billionaire becomes the first American Pope, overturning Rome?s age-old canons. The first Pope to resign in 600 years, he abdicates the pomp and power of the papacy, to return to the woman he loves.
I agree with Richiev and dpg. Writing a story that is seemingly set in our world would have our history. Changing something (somewhat unnecessarily tbh) like this will make readers just focus on the inaccuracies rather than the story. What difference does it actually make for him to be the 2nd? Or 3Read more
I agree with Richiev and dpg. Writing a story that is seemingly set in our world would have our history. Changing something (somewhat unnecessarily tbh) like this will make readers just focus on the inaccuracies rather than the story.
What difference does it actually make for him to be the 2nd? Or 3rd? or 4th? He’s already breaking ground in being the first American Pope… the simple fact that he’s abdicating for the woman he loves is the story. Not how many others have abdicated before him.
Don’t let a potentially good story be sidetracked by a minor point that is really not worth fighting for.
The fact that he’s an illegitimate son of a billionaire… is that important?
It is probably unlikely that anyone here is going to read your script (I’ve asked the very same question when I first joined). The whole point of a logline is that a reader can understand the story enough so they don’t have to read the script. A logline is the first thing a person will read so it’s really important that it’s as good as it can be and that’s the?primary purpose of this site. To help nail a good logline. However it’s always worth remembering that a great story can have a bad logline ?but a bad story can never have a great logline.
From my own painful experience too, always write the logline first. If story issues are pointed out here based on your logline – no big deal – you’re tweaking 35 words. If something is pointed out in a logline and the script is written…. could be a disaster.
Hope this helps.
See lessA grieving girl gets involved in a dangerous investigation, which leads her back to her mother’s homicide.
Agree with dpg and RichieV's version gives me a much better idea as to what's actually going on. "girl" - is she 6? or 16? You are reducing the main character to an incredibly broad brush stroke. We can infer that she is young but how young is fundamental to understanding the story. Specificity thatRead more
Agree with dpg and RichieV’s version gives me a much better idea as to what’s actually going on.
“girl” – is she 6? or 16? You are reducing the main character to an incredibly broad brush stroke. We can infer that she is young but how young is fundamental to understanding the story. Specificity that is relevant to the story you are trying to tell is key!
You don’t actually specify that the investigation she gets involved in is her mother’s. It might not be however I struggle to see why a “girl” (with no reason to be looking into an investigation from what I can tell) finds herself in this position without personal interest. If you told us that the investigation involved a killer with the same M.O. as in her mother’s case then I would understand it but as it stands there is no connection so I’m forced to guess – and as dpg pointed out – I shouldn’t have to.
Ambiguity is where loglines go to die! Be specific. Make sure we understand exactly what’s going on and why. In under 35 words. Loglines aren’t easy!
Hope this helps.
See lessA Tremulous young mother who?s children have been taken from cps must escape her abusive husband and get her children back.
I wouldn't use the word 'tremulous' - doesn't do justice to what could be a powerful story. Desperate, determined, frantic are better options.
I wouldn’t use the word ‘tremulous’ – doesn’t do justice to what could be a powerful story. Desperate, determined, frantic are better options.
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