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  1. Posted: July 27, 2019In: Drama

    When a young Australian Muslim girl loses her mother, her grief turns to an obsession with building robots, where she fights for the chance to win an International Robotics Championship and realise a dream her mother never could.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 28, 2019 at 7:26 am

    An interesting character and situation.Would it be accurate to say that the story hook could be written as:An Australian Muslim teenager overcomes prejudice and her lack of a formal education to compete in an International Robotics Championship.???

    An interesting character and situation.

    Would it be accurate to say that the story hook could be written as:

    An Australian Muslim teenager overcomes prejudice and her lack of a formal education to compete in an International Robotics Championship.

    ??

    ?

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  2. Posted: July 24, 2019In: Drama

    A confident woman reaches a small and mysterious motel, where she is forced to take a look back at her life. (Short)

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 25, 2019 at 7:55 am

    >>>>>a terrible secret, putting her in immediate danger. This version sets up (vaguely) a situation for a plot, but does not follow through with a clearly defined plot. Alas, it amounts to hiding the game ball. A logline reader has no clue what the secret could be. No clue what the daRead more

    >>>>>a terrible secret, putting her in immediate danger.

    This version sets up (vaguely) a situation for a plot, but does not follow through with a clearly defined plot. Alas, it amounts to hiding the game ball. A logline reader has no clue what the secret could be. No clue what the danger is. And no clue as to the woman’s objective goal in response to the danger.

    What is there about the “terrible secret” that makes it the inciting incident that puts her in danger?? What is that danger? What must she do about it?

    What is her objective goal?

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  3. Posted: July 22, 2019In: Drama

    When a human cared jackdaw learns to fly it must be accepted by its original colony on the town square, but when a cruel politician hunts the colony into a cold forest, the jackdaw is being blamed and must rebuild trust to the town people so the colony can return home.  

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on July 23, 2019 at 6:08 pm

    No problem, happy to help! The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy - this isn't going to change if they return back there. So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to IRead more

    No problem, happy to help!

    The issue is that they make the square dirty and noisy – this isn’t going to change if they return back there.

    So the protagonist jackdaw ends up moving away from the colony? Where to? I think that if the story is about the jackdaw finding himself then maybe the Act I to II turn is actually him getting pushed out from the colony for getting them kicked out of their town square home. Then the jackdaw can spend act II struggling to find ways back in to the colony by trying to sort out a way for them to move back home, only to realise that he actually doesn’t need the colony.

    The B-Story is probably the relationship with the person who cared for him. I love the idea of this jackdaw returning back to this guy and trying to get a human’s help to achieve his goal.

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