Gilligaj:

Some randomized thoughts:

Frankly, I was more interested in the earlier ?Recals? version you posted despite its complexity and my nit picking over the legal issue. Why?

Well, I?m a rabid true believer in the principle that a strong hook is the most important element in a logline by a new writer trying to break into the business. That the paramount job of a logline is to sell the sizzle, not describe the steak.

Ideally, a good logline does double duty:? it both sells the sizzle as well as describes the steak, the key elements of the plot.? But sometimes it may be necessary to write two loglines: one to market the script that spotlights the sizzle, and a second one to develop the script that focuses on describing the plot.

This version of your story idea (with a ?polish) may be useful as a logline for developing the script, but, IMHO, it doesn?t sell the sizzle. And what is the sizzle? A drug that enables people to stay awake 24/7/365. Which this version of the logline mentions but doesn?t highlight, doesn?t really focus on.

And then I read in your last comment:

>>>powerful and pyschotic ?woke?

Woke.

That might be the story hook word, the word around which to brainstorm and organize the plot.? And pitch it:? ?Woke? could be the title of the script.? Heck, the name of the drug.

I suggest you do a ?Coppola? with that one word, as in Francis Ford Coppola, the technique he used to write and direct the screen adaptation of ?The Godfather?.? (See my recent post in another logline thread on the ?The Godfather Notebook?.)? See where it takes you, what new discoveries you make.

fwiw