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2 LIFELONG RIVALS OF OVER 50 YRS BECOME FRIENDS AFTER A NEW PERSON THREATENS THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD TURF
This logline, in my opinion, should start with the inciting incident, "After a new person threatens..." and "Two (not 2) lifelong rivals..." should follow.. "Become friends" is the close of the final act and should be omitted, instead telling what happens during the second act. Also, the logline doeRead more
This logline, in my opinion, should start with the inciting incident, “After a new person threatens…” and “Two (not 2) lifelong rivals…” should follow.. “Become friends” is the close of the final act and should be omitted, instead telling what happens during the second act. Also, the logline doesn’t portray that the genre is a comedy.
See lessWhen a less than confident daughter attends her parents wild 60th Wedding Anniversary Party without her husband, her image obsessed mother nit-picks her to reveal that her marriage is over.
Hi uniqueequine,I agree with everything said above but also want to add a few things:1) fix your spelling/grammar at the end:image-obsessed mother nitpicks her, revealing that her marriage is over.2) The end statement about revealing that her marriage is over doesn't provide us with an action for thRead more
Hi uniqueequine,
I agree with everything said above but also want to add a few things:
1) fix your spelling/grammar at the end:
image-obsessed mother nitpicks her, revealing that her marriage is over.
2) The end statement about revealing that her marriage is over doesn’t provide us with an action for the daughter. What does she do after realizing her mother is right? Get drunk and sleep with her father’s best friend? Her mother nitpicking her is not the story but what she does as a result IS.
Also, you don’t need to capitalize “wedding anniversary party” and it’s “parents'” with an apostrophe since it’s possessive.
Good luck!
See lessOn a drunken dare, two disgruntled NASA interns plot to secretly deliver a sample of super-bacteria to Mars, transforming the face of the Red Planet forever. Title: Green Planet
Okay, now I understand the photo-life part. What remains: Why should we care if they succeed or not?? This seems to be the present and we have the exploration of Mars with plans to put humans on it before long, so it seems these guys are creating a possible shortcut for what would happen anyway. TheRead more
Okay, now I understand the photo-life part. What remains: Why should we care if they succeed or not?? This seems to be the present and we have the exploration of Mars with plans to put humans on it before long, so it seems these guys are creating a possible shortcut for what would happen anyway. There’s something soft about all this and I still don’t see the humor or irony.
Were other possibilities considered? If you take the elements of two interns (or any other two lowly or ironic characters) and? photo-life, can you move and change other parts to see what happens? What if this is the near future with the first group of humans landing on Mars? What if it’s the present and they change the planet by the start of Act II…what might happen next?
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