1. Posted: March 16, 2019In:

    When a Nigerian foreign exchange student moves in with a white suburban, American family, cultural differences and close minded town ideals turns the once home, into a house of unrelated individuals

    henb Samurai

    I like this logline a lot. I really like 'turns the once home, into a house of unrelated individuals'. I would try to shorten the first half of your logline, and focus more on these aspects of your script. I feel that 'cultural differences' and 'close minded town ideals' should be given more of an eRead more

    I like this logline a lot. I really like ‘turns the once home, into a house of unrelated individuals’. I would try to shorten the first half of your logline, and focus more on these aspects of your script. I feel that ‘cultural differences’ and ‘close minded town ideals’ should be given more of an explanation.

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  2. Posted: May 23, 2019In:

    A quirky, slightly neurotic writer must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation in order to win the heart of the man she loves.

    Gemini Silver Logliner

    "quirky, slightly neurotic writer" ---> Why not put quirky, neurotic writer instead? "Must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation" ---> You should be a little more specific with how the character goes on about achieving the goal, maybe add a little more stakes?

    “quirky, slightly neurotic writer” —> Why not put quirky, neurotic writer instead?

    “Must overcome years of social anxiety and isolation” —> You should be a little more specific with how the character goes on about achieving the goal, maybe add a little more stakes?

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  3. Posted: May 20, 2019In:

    A reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a twisted and manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    Hey DPG,Hmm. That is a point. He only really becomes reformed once we reach Act 2 of the pilot. Perhaps for the pilot logline: "A sex addict, unable to be intimate with a woman who offers stability..." (He does malfunction at one point, but before that he subconsciously pushes her away. )He?s not reRead more

    Hey DPG,

    Hmm. That is a point. He only really becomes reformed once we reach Act 2 of the pilot. Perhaps for the pilot logline: “A sex addict, unable to be intimate with a woman who offers stability…” (He does malfunction at one point, but before that he subconsciously pushes her away. )

    He?s not really a schmuck. Or at least I never saw Fassbender in ?Shame? as a shmuck. It?s as much about his relationship with women and inability to be vulnerable. It?s about the story beneath his sex addiction – the big why. The cause of it. The fact he?s attracted to some weird brutal things. The way he treats women and compartmentalises them – and how he steadily learns to respect them and treat them equally (that’s gotta be relevant in this post-Weinstein era). As people.

    Throughout the pilot, he?s emotionally detached, emotionally self serving and emotionally numb. He wants to live authentically. A real life. Real love. Real relationships. What he has with Celine is still fantasy – he?s attached himself to a woman who will never reject him, who he has nothing in common with, etc.?

    Not necessarily. What they have is constantly shifting. They both continuously switch between predator and prey, and get off on this constantly shifting power play. And again, it is dangerous, unethical and illegal for doctor and patient to be doing stuff together. Though she gets off on being in control, playing with his mind – he?s still dominant and controlling.

    I was inspired by ?Dangerous Liaisons? – these two cruel aristocrats playing games with each other and other people. The protagonist seduces an innocent woman, falls in love with her in the process, etc.

    Throughout the series, he?s made to confront his issues with power, dominance and control; why he is aroused by savagely cruel behaviour and what made him that way.?

    I?ll keep in mind your 2.5 cents though. Last producer/manager who was interested in my stuff – asked if I had anything with strong female protagonists.?

    As for the hook – that?s what I?m trying to get to the bottom of. Is sex and psychology (or the psychology of sex) not a hook? I mean it dissects the mother whore complex.?

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