1. Posted: May 14, 2019In:

    When a commuters’ activist group throws the bar car onto the tracks, lonely office drone Donald Brewster and his boozy compatriot patrons must make a case for saving the raucous rail-car or risk losing their home-on-the-way-home.

    Robb Ross Samurai

    Instead of saving the bar car, the boozy compatriots want to end it? The first one is relatable and sounds like a midlife crisis story where they want to hang on to their vices and crutches and wrong behavior. Perhaps the story is about the last few days with the bar service as they deal with theirRead more

    Instead of saving the bar car, the boozy compatriots want to end it? The first one is relatable and sounds like a midlife crisis story where they want to hang on to their vices and crutches and wrong behavior. Perhaps the story is about the last few days with the bar service as they deal with their personal issues and mark the end of an era.

    If it’s really about the protag(s) ending the service, then it’s hard to care for him despite the merit in his objective. He’s the party-pooper, the a-hole not minding his own business.

    Is most of the script on the train?

    I’ll stop there because another logline attempt is in order to clarify the intention.

     

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  2. Posted: May 7, 2019In:

    Series logline: A rich, successful plastic surgeon and reformed sex addict, suffering intimacy problems with a woman who offers him stability, returns to his former psychiatrist, a manipulative woman for whom he might still be madly in love with.

    Ckharper Samurai

    I like your reason why he was going back to therapy before - to be able to be intimate with woman he actually cares about. How about ? ?When a reformed sex addict can?t be intimate with a girl he actually cares about, he seeks help from a sex psychiatrist. But her unorthodox methods involve increasiRead more

    I like your reason why he was going back to therapy before – to be able to be intimate with woman he actually cares about. How about ?

    ?When a reformed sex addict can?t be intimate with a girl he actually cares about, he seeks help from a sex psychiatrist. But her unorthodox methods involve increasingly kinky and dangerous games he may never escape.?

    I didn?t count the words, maybe too wordy, but something along those lines.

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  3. Posted: May 7, 2019In:

    Halloween decorations only in October, no flowers in the parkway ? clearly the neighborhood HOA has become tyrannical. A group of moms plot a takeover during their weekly bunco night, and the only thing in their way is the idiot president and his old white guy friends.

    Ckharper Samurai

    Here?s a another (serious) take after taking heavily from Richiev- ?When the HOA president inflicts draconian rules on the neighborhood, a fed-up mom and her friends plot a coup to takeover the HOA. They conspire under cover of darkness ? at their weekly bunco nights.? Title: Bunco Night First senteRead more

    Here?s a another (serious) take after taking heavily from Richiev-

    ?When the HOA president inflicts draconian rules on the neighborhood, a fed-up mom and her friends plot a coup to takeover the HOA. They conspire under cover of darkness ? at their weekly bunco nights.?

    Title: Bunco Night

    First sentence could hang on its own at 23 words.
    Second sentence feels optional (11 words) but I like setting up the title and adding a bit more comedy.

    Anyhow, gives me a good footing to actually take a spin at developing. Thanks all!

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