1. Posted: July 10, 2019In:

    Forced to quit drinking, Lucy must learn how to navigate sobriety in a world that’s often three sheets to the wind. Turns out avoiding happy hour is a lot easier than avoiding your true self.

    Richiev Singularity

    What is the lead character's ultimate goal, to quit drinking for good, or to find her true self? Because as written, things happen to your lead character in this logline, instead of the lead character taking action.

    What is the lead character’s ultimate goal, to quit drinking for good, or to find her true self?

    Because as written, things happen to your lead character in this logline, instead of the lead character taking action.

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  2. Posted: July 3, 2019In:

    A shy guy tries to seduce a snobby girl during an awkward pre-arranged mating session between their chihuahua dogs. COMEDY SHORT

    dpg Singularity

    Tjmohr:I like the inciting incident.? It's a great metaphor for the sexual tension? -- in his mind, anyway.However, having him to overtly seduce her is oafish, tacky --- just plain dumb even for a comedy.? ?Especially in the #MeToo era.? He has a fatal character of not being able to? treat her as anRead more

    Tjmohr:

    I like the inciting incident.? It’s a great metaphor for the sexual tension? — in his mind, anyway.

    However, having him to overtly seduce her is oafish, tacky — just plain dumb even for a comedy.? ?Especially in the #MeToo era.? He has a fatal character of not being able to? treat her as anything more than sex object.? ?He deserves for her to slap? him in the face and storm away.? So it seems to me a more acceptable objective goal would be for him to a date in a manner where she doesn’t laugh in his face and walk away.? Treat her like a lady.

    And rather than describe her as being a snob, describe her as being classy — he’s trying to date outside his league, above his place in the prevailing social order.? Which in this version of the logline, he most surely is.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: July 2, 2019In:

    A shy guy tries to seduce a snobby girl during an awkward pre-arranged mating session between their chihuahua dogs. COMEDY SHORT

    Richiev Singularity

    For a short I like the premise, two shy people meet to allow their dogs to mate, it's embarrassing so they engage in small talk while behind them you hear the mating noises. As for the logline, this is a little tougher, the line, "Must deal with the situation" is not very specific. How does he speciRead more

    For a short I like the premise, two shy people meet to allow their dogs to mate, it’s embarrassing so they engage in small talk while behind them you hear the mating noises.

    As for the logline, this is a little tougher, the line, “Must deal with the situation” is not very specific. How does he specifically deal with the situation?

    Is his objective to just get through the situation?

    Is his goal to put his counterpart at ease?

    Is his goal to get a date from the girl?

    Anyway, I like this premise as a short or even just as a skit,? but you might want to add a specific or two, to the logline.

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