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A rookie Intelligence Officer accidentally risks a global incident, when she tries to replace the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with an impostor: his secretly homosexual twin brother.
An Intelligence Officer replaces the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with... his not-so-secret homosexual twin brother. - I chopped a lot of the padding. don't need the "tries to". I mean - he's gonna do it ha. Cut the imposter. You might need it. We'll see. I'm just playing aroRead more
An Intelligence Officer replaces the Foreign Minister of a hostile middle eastern country with… his not-so-secret homosexual twin brother.
– I chopped a lot of the padding. don’t need the “tries to”. I mean – he’s gonna do it ha. Cut the imposter. You might need it. We’ll see. I’m just playing around here.
– Hmm still feels like “Dave” crossed with a Sacha Baron Cohen film ha.
– Hopefully, “not-so-secret” suggests he’s very clearly gay but will in hilarious situations think it’s hidden.
– I agree with Dpg. You might need to push on the stakes.
– Concept has a fish-out-of-water which is good. I don’t think being gay is enough though. Perhaps he knows nothing about politics? Perhaps he’s a compulsive trouble maker? A drinker? How is this guy gonna make things worse?
Hmm – how about “his not-so-secret homosexual twin brother – a man with a voracious sexual appetite”.
or…
“his black sheep twin brother… a not-so-secret homosexual who loves to party.”
– Lastly, perhaps you need a “Then”? Then what happens? How does this guy cause trouble and mischief?
Anyways – play around with it. Experiment.
Nothing I say is gospel.
See lessWhen an 8ft hairy black monster begins following him around and disrupting his life, a lonely divorcee must find a way to get rid of it before it controls his entire existence.
What are the stakes? I only ask because I am not sure what you mean by, "Controls his entire existence" Does this mean the monster is going to mind control the lead character and take over his body? In other words, what will the lead character lose if he does not get rid of the monster? However, besRead more
What are the stakes? I only ask because I am not sure what you mean by, “Controls his entire existence” Does this mean the monster is going to mind control the lead character and take over his body?
In other words, what will the lead character lose if he does not get rid of the monster?
However, besides that, I think this logline is pretty close and has a great hook.
See lessWhen a new film contest starts a group of egocentric childhood friends set out to make a movie, despite the fact that they know nothing about film making. But when the opportunity presents itself they are wiling to do whatever it takes to achieve their dreams.
Agreed with the above. In general, loglines are better when they focus on the plot. In this case, you seemed to describe the premise and setup instead of the major story beats.
Agreed with the above.
In general, loglines are better when they focus on the plot. In this case, you seemed to describe the premise and setup instead of the major story beats.
See less