Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When a down-on-his luck food delivery driver inadvertently delivers the kiss of death to a troubled drug lord, he must use his street knowledge to navigate himself out of the criminal underworld in order to survive.
When a down-on-his luck delivery boy is inadvertently given the kiss of death when delivering pizza to a mafia boss, he must use his street knowledge in order to survive and find the true target of the hit.
When a down-on-his luck delivery boy is inadvertently given the kiss of death when delivering pizza to a mafia boss, he must use his street knowledge in order to survive and find the true target of the hit.
See lessForced out of a cloistered life after his employer dies, an illiterate simpleton gardener becomes a media celebrity and Washington influencer after a dying billionaire mistakes his gardening advice as metaphorical words of economic wisdom.
I would like to remark on the strategy I used to arrive at the version I posted.The general rule is that a logline should be no longer than 25 words in length.? But, of course, there are always exceptions, outliers.? Loglines that require more than 30 words are a particular challenge. (Loglines thatRead more
I would like to remark on the strategy I used to arrive at the version I posted.
The general rule is that a logline should be no longer than 25 words in length.? But, of course, there are always exceptions, outliers.? Loglines that require more than 30 words are a particular challenge. (Loglines that exceed 40 words are a problem? –? a fatal flaw. A logline longer than 40 words is DOA — dead on arrival.)
So the question is: how best to craft a logline for scripts and story ideas that are longer?? My answer is:? deliver the story hook within the first 25 words.
The story hook? for “Being There” is how a simpleton gardener becomes a media celebrity and Washington influencer.? My first rough drafts for a logline followed the sequence of events.? And so:
His employer’s death forces a illiterate simpleton out of his cloistered life into the world where a politically powerful but dying billionaire mistakes him as a sage economist transforming him into a celebrity and influential Washington player.
Well, at 37 words it stays under the 40 word ceiling and, less or more, conveys what the story is about.? But it contains a serious flaw:? the reader has to slog through 28 words to find out what the story hook is.? (And I am rabid on the point that the story hook is the most important element in a logline.) So I reworked the logline? until I could plant the story hook before the 25th word , that is,? state it within the generally accepted maximum logline length.
In the version posted, the story hook is inserted before word 22.? I violated the letter of the “law” with a 35 word logline, but observed the “spirit” by getting the story hook within the 1st 25 words.
Mission accomplished.
fwiw
See lessA former child actor’s life has turned upside down when he mentors a teenage boy who looks like him during his younger days.
I'm not sure why you had drug dealer in the first place... why would seeing someone who looks like his younger self turn his life upside down?I realise you've changed it to 'former child actor' but this is such an extreme change, that I wondered how it could be done whilst leaving the rest of the loRead more
I’m not sure why you had drug dealer in the first place… why would seeing someone who looks like his younger self turn his life upside down?
I realise you’ve changed it to ‘former child actor’ but this is such an extreme change, that I wondered how it could be done whilst leaving the rest of the logline intact? ?Surely the motivation was embedded within the entire sentence.
Changing it to a former child actor, actually makes it work really well for me (which is why I’m so surprised you had a drug dealer in the first place)… either you’ve struck lucky, or there’s some method to your madness?
This needs a bit of work, but is so much better in its construction than previous loglines. ?I can see why a former (possibly forgotten) child actor would be impacted by a rising star who looks just like him, it sounds like he could either mentor this boy to avoid all the mistakes he made and therefore progress to becoming the successful adult actor he could never be himself, or he could jealously sabotage his career so that the teen also becomes a forgotten child actor that once showed promise but falls into obscurity.
I’d work on this some more and refine it to clarify what the story is – starting with being specific about how his life is turned upside down.
I really like this idea.
Regards
See lessTrix