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A mild mannered insurance salesman living in the universe where all action movies takes place gets tired of action heros always crashing everything and wants to make them answer for their latest transgression, without being drawn into the action himself.
What's his motivation? What are the personal stakes for him? He's a *SALESMAN*. More accidents means more demand for coverage, more policies sold, more re-newals -- more premiums he can pocket. He's working in a salesman's heaven.
What’s his motivation? What are the personal stakes for him? He’s a *SALESMAN*. More accidents means more demand for coverage, more policies sold, more re-newals — more premiums he can pocket.
He’s working in a salesman’s heaven.
See lessA young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.
After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has tRead more
After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has to grab the reader and the audience attention. It’s a comedy so this is great time to get creative. I mean does she have to stay at her horrible job? Is there a love interest that is keeping her there, or maybe planning revenge on the management. Keep thinking about the possibilities.
See lessKeep it up.
A pompous Ivy League grad working on a schlock SCI-FI TV series does whatever it takes to become a producer, but ends up being his own worst enemy.
"A pompous Ivy League grad" -> creates image of young, athletic male, with wealthy parents, but also very naive to the world "working on a schlock SCI-FI TV series" -> this sounds like the inciting incident. However login might benefit from a little more cause & effect. Could be as simpleRead more
“A pompous Ivy League grad” -> creates image of young, athletic male, with wealthy parents, but also very naive to the world
“working on a schlock SCI-FI TV series” -> this sounds like the inciting incident. However login might benefit from a little more cause & effect. Could be as simple a refinement as setting character to film student.
“does whatever it takes to become a producer, but ends up being his own worst enemy.” -> lots of potential here for inner character conflict, maybe even a great character piece. Clearly character identifies as ambitious. Guessing it’s the character flaw of “pompous” that is most in conflict with the social climbing goal. Still, feel this logline may benefit from a clearer antagonist. A pompous, ambitious character usually learns to resolve their flaw through humility and respecting others (not just themselves) …
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