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When he is reunited with his first love, a man who has lived alone for 20 years has to learn to care about others so he won’t be dumped by her again.
Hello Stella, This is one of the most common subjects of novels and movies of every time, but I love it, and so many people do (the reason why this is one of ...). "When reunited with his first love, a surly grouch must learn to care about others not to be dumped again." :o)
Hello Stella,
This is one of the most common subjects of novels and movies of every time, but I love it, and so many people do (the reason why this is one of …).
“When reunited with his first love, a surly grouch must learn to care about others not to be dumped again.”
:o)
See lessTV Comedy pilot: Series Logline: After being stood up for the last time, Flo, a quirky 30-something, looks to her zany friends for advice as she finds meaning in her life and in her bed. Pilot logline: It’s time for Flo to take a big high heel step forward in her attempt to change her life and her luck, maybe she should have wore flats.
In future best to post a single logline you want feedback on and if necessary add a post underneath with additional information, I think it's easier this way for the members to read and comment on.About the pilot logline: It?s time for Flo to take a big high heel step forward in her attempt to changRead more
In future best to post a single logline you want feedback on and if necessary add a post underneath with additional information, I think it’s easier this way for the members to read and comment on.
About the pilot logline:
It?s time for Flo to take a big high heel step forward in her attempt to change her life and her luck, maybe she should have wore flats.
This logline reads more like a tag-line as it indicates genre but doesn’t describe a plot.
No need to mention the MC’s name in the logline rather what kind of character she is, i.e: What is her flaw? Her job? etc…
Most importantly though, what is her inciting incident and goal in the pilot episode?
Since this is a series a producer will likely want to know more about the specifics of the pilot plot because this will indicate to them what the rest of the episodes will look like and how the stories will play out each week, this will also help you structure the plot and write the script to do just that.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter trashing his friend’s car while drunk, a 20 year old slacker must share a paper route, the only job he can find, with his overachieving 12 year old sister to pay for the damages and avoid jail time.
Well, the?revised ?is shorter, but it seems to me?the cause and effect linkage between the inciting incident (the trashing) and the remedy (the paper route) seems weak.Why does he have to take a paper route to pay restitution?? Why doesn't he get some other job? Isn't it because it's the only job heRead more
Well, the?revised ?is shorter, but it seems to me?the cause and effect linkage between the inciting incident (the trashing) and the remedy (the paper route) seems weak.
Why does he have to take a paper route to pay restitution?? Why doesn’t he get some other job? Isn’t it because it’s the only job he can get?? Isn’t that??a necessary causal link in the chain of events that leads him from the trashing to working for the girl?? Isn’t?his inability to find anything better?– he’s a zero loser –?part of the comedy?
I like the premise.? It suggests all kinds of comic chemistry between the slacker and the girl.? But I think it would strengthen the logline to nail down the joke within the joke?of why?he ends up working for her.? She’s a winner, he’s a loser who can’t find any other job.
I appreciate?that you are caught between conflicting needs for this logline, between clarity and brevity.? I’m an OCD nut ?for both, but if I can’t optimize for both, ?my inclination is to trade off (a little)?brevity for the sake of (more)?clarity.
Ultimately, of course,?it’s your call. ?Best wishes with the story idea.
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