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  1. Posted: January 25, 2016In: Comedy

    A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation. The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on January 26, 2016 at 4:16 am

    As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?-----A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnightRead more

    As DPG mentions above, your logline spends a lot of time on the setup:?
    —–
    A down-on-his-luck , part time bus driver who dreams of being a NASCAR driver helps police capture a criminal by out running him while driving a special education bus. The ariel footage goes viral and he becomes an overnight sensation.
    —–
    Then it get’s vague:
    —–
    The sudden fame along with having to choose between his dream and being a good person shows him that there is more to being a champion than winning.
    —–

    -This makes me wonder if ‘the set up’ should be the movie.

    The movie starts off by showing him being ‘down on his luck’.
    Then we introduce the lead characters dream of being a NASCAR driver.
    The lead sees the chase happening and he leaps into action…
    Perhaps one of the kids he drives is kidnapped and put into the car.
    He must act.
    The chase is on.
    There is a complication; someone is still on the bus, preferably someone he doesn’t get along with at first.
    They bicker, they argue.
    The police tell him to stop, but he won’t because he must save the kid.
    The person on the bus, (Maybe his girlfriend who was about to dump him) keeps nagging at him.
    No matter the obstacle, he keeps on going and finally saves the day.
    He becomes a hero
    The movie ends with him achieving his dream of being a NASCAR driver.
    Roll credits

    I only mention this because you seem to have a clearer version of the ‘set-up’ than the rest, so maybe the ‘set-up’ is the movie.

    Hope that helped, good luck with this!

    ?

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  2. Posted: January 24, 2016In: Comedy

    After a clumsy socialist teacher loses again against his smart conservative brother in the elections, he leaves regional politics frustrated only to learn from his students that he has to become more ruthless to win the next time.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on January 25, 2016 at 5:12 am

    It seems to me that? "clumsy" versus?"become more ruthless" is an incongruent match up.??A more congruent value?contrast would be??"become more ruthless"?versus? "idealistic".? Further, what?would be?galling is not only that he's losing to a conservative brother, but one who gloats about it; ?iow:?Read more

    It seems to me that? “clumsy” versus?”become more ruthless” is an incongruent match up.??A more congruent value?contrast would be??”become more ruthless”?versus? “idealistic”.? Further, what?would be?galling is not only that he’s losing to a conservative brother, but one who gloats about it; ?iow:? amp up the sibling rivalry.

    As in:

    After repeated losing?elections to his arrogant conservative brother, an idealistic?socialist school teacher abandons his?ethical principles ?to win….

    Well,? win what?? What is the office at stake?? I think that needs to be specified.

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  3. Posted: January 21, 2016In: Comedy

    When an underachieving gravedigger’s cemetery is taken over by his scorned ex-girlfriend’s Mafioso father, he must step up and expose the father’s criminal activity before he ends up planted among the daisies.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on January 22, 2016 at 7:14 am

    This is a much better attempt. There is still a slight disconnect between the situation, 'the graveyard being taken over' and the goal, 'exposing the father'. However this is on the right track.

    This is a much better attempt. There is still a slight disconnect between the situation, ‘the graveyard being taken over’ and the goal, ‘exposing the father’. However this is on the right track.

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