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A commitment-phobic Florida man falls for an aspiring TV journalist but before she leaves town for a promotion, he plants himself at the center of an increasing number of peculiar news stories for a chance to win her heart.
As Richiev said this has the potential for a great comedy idea, however the basic logic governing the concept could be a problem. If he is at the center of peculiar news stories, why would that attract the journalist? Secondly if the news stories he is targeting had already occurred, how cold he makRead more
As Richiev said this has the potential for a great comedy idea, however the basic logic governing the concept could be a problem.
If he is at the center of peculiar news stories, why would that attract the journalist? Secondly if the news stories he is targeting had already occurred, how cold he make himself a subsequent party to the events in retrospect? Or better yet if the story hadn’t taken place yet, then how does he know which news stories the journalist will be given as assignments or which events will turn into legit news stories all together?
Perhaps best to simplify the concept and make it so he targets only one story she is covering, to that matter make it a rather innocuous incident to start off with but then turns into a? major media event as the story develops.
See lessIn 1984, a meek high school teen is hired by the local Top 40 Station and sets out on a wild summer odyssey where he falls face first in love, and fist first into bully Bill Carter.
The latest draft of the logline is too convoluted, it delays any plot descriptions until the middle "...but when he meets the girl...". Essentially this is a boy meets girl (as literally described in the logline)? plot, this means that the inciting incident is the boy falling in love. Accordingly meRead more
The latest draft of the logline is too convoluted, it delays any plot descriptions until the middle “…but when he meets the girl…”. Essentially this is a boy meets girl (as literally described in the logline)? plot, this means that the inciting incident is the boy falling in love. Accordingly mention this first and delete the first half of the sentence as it doesn’t contribute to the reader’s understanding of the plot.
The character descriptions should be changed as it could be read as if the MC is a teen in his 80’s…? and “…looking to shake up his ho-hum existence…” is not a story worthy problem, I think these can be dropped all together from the logline seeing as they don’t contribute to the story.
Lastly, none of the story elements seam to logically connect; radio DJ, girl, him being meek and the radio station’s top 40 count down.
As an example:
See lessAfter meeting the girl of his dreams a meek teen with a fake ID gets a job at the local radio station to impress her enough so she leaves her boy friend the school bully.
A screenwriter has just finished his winning screenplay for the pitching time. Suddenly, his computer breaks down and he loses every piece of his work.
This logline doesn't describe a plot as it doesn't have a goal for the main character, rather it hints at a goal - retrieve the writer's work. In a logline best to definitively describe the plot at hand, this means an inciting incident, main character and goal. Here is a little helpful guide: https:Read more
This logline doesn’t describe a plot as it doesn’t have a goal for the main character, rather it hints at a goal – retrieve the writer’s work.
In a logline best to definitively describe the plot at hand, this means an inciting incident, main character and goal.
Here is a little helpful guide:
https://loglines.org/howto/
On a side note please refrain from posting more loglines for feedback than loglines you have reviewed your self.
See lessIt looks like you are a new user so all good for now, am sure other members will be happy to review, but please bare this in mind for future posts.