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  1. Posted: April 21, 2016In: Comedy

    When a Talent Agency for Dogs is faced with imminent demise, a flamboyant receptionist has only 48 hours to convince the mid divorce agent, win the heart of a psychotic client and train his pooch to overcome stage fright in order to realize his dream and save the company.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 23, 2016 at 12:27 am

    Like, Nir Shelter I prefer that writers post revisions in the thread of a logline rather than posting ?the revision as a new logline. ?It facilitates continuity of ?discussion.And also think the logline is cluttered with too many "objective goals". ?And I put objective goals in quotes because they rRead more

    Like, Nir Shelter I prefer that writers post revisions in the thread of a logline rather than posting ?the revision as a new logline. ?It facilitates continuity of ?discussion.

    And also think the logline is cluttered with too many “objective goals”. ?And I put objective goals in quotes because they really aren’t objective goals. ?They are ways and means to obtain the singular objective goal: ?save the company.?

    And I also concur with Nir Shelter that ?”flamboyant” is extraneous. ?While it may be a defining characteristic of the character it doesn’t seem to be a relevant characteristic ?to the dramatic problem; IOW: ?it’s not a character flaw that poses a threat, an obstacle to the character obtaining his objective goal.

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  2. Posted: April 21, 2016In: Comedy

    When a Talent Agency for Dogs loses its star, a secretary sees an opportunity for his own pooch. He ?just? has to convince the owner, a bellicose alcoholic, the mid divorce casting director and the psychotic German client while the pooch needs to overcome its stage fright.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on April 21, 2016 at 5:21 am

    Alas, the shift in the narrative focus doesn't work for me because if the secretary is now the protagonist then there are no significant stakes. ?Even a comedy should have significant stakes. ?The protagonist urgently needs something -- that's the driving force for humorous scenes, all the desperateRead more

    Alas, the shift in the narrative focus doesn’t work for me because if the secretary is now the protagonist then there are no significant stakes. ?Even a comedy should have significant stakes. ?The protagonist urgently needs something — that’s the driving force for humorous scenes, all the desperate, frantic, and foolish measures the protagonist will take to get what she wants. ?And if she doesn’t obtain it, ?she will incur a great loss.

    What is at stake for the secretary in getting her dog cast to sub for the “star dog”? ?Why MUST she get her dog cast? ?What does she stand to lose if she fails?

    In this version, there are no stakes. ?There is no sense of urgent desperation, that the very survival of the boutique ad agency depends on casting the right pooch. ?Does the survival of the ad agency still depend on the outcome of the casting? ?If it does the logline ?should say so. ?It should be framed around those stakes. All the character and story elements in this version could still exist. ?It just a matter of framing them in the plot around ?the urgent dramatic need of the agency’s survival.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: April 20, 2016In: Comedy

    When a popular Irish family starts a brawl, a drunken priest nearly loses his shady Bingo game; clashing with a theatre and its gay producer in the same building, he turns the game into a New Religion.

    FFF Mentor
    Added an answer on April 20, 2016 at 7:18 pm

    Hello, maybe you should focus on the basic elements of a logline (main character, inciting event, goal, stakes).

    Hello,
    maybe you should focus on the basic elements of a logline (main character, inciting event, goal, stakes).

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