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A witty half human, half dog character is discovered by a teenage boy and must kill the boy to protect his secret but instead befriends the boy.
The concept, while interesting, begs a question: ?how did this hybrid species comes to be?It seems to me that although this is a comedy, the friendship needs a stronger motivation. ?Maybe something relating to the half-and-half's origins. ?Like maybe, he makes friends with the boy because he needs hRead more
The concept, while interesting, begs a question: ?how did this hybrid species comes to be?
It seems to me that although this is a comedy, the friendship needs a stronger motivation. ?Maybe something relating to the half-and-half’s origins. ?Like maybe, he makes friends with the boy because he needs his help to find his genetic-engineer maker for some reason.
I dunno. Other than that the friendship should be more than incidental bonding . ?It should be motivated by a desperate need.
See lessWhen a shepherd is tending to his flock, one of his sheep are taken by thieves. He must find the stolen sheep in his herd.
Agreed with Richiev the wording can use some work, for example the inciting incident?could be changed to: After one of his sheep is stolen, a shepherd must? I don't know if the stakes are high enough, even in comedy higher stakes are better. What if this was a prize winning sheep, one he is relyingRead more
Agreed with Richiev the wording can use some work, for example the inciting incident?could be changed to:
After one of his sheep is stolen, a shepherd must?
I don’t know if the stakes are high enough, even in comedy higher stakes are better. What if this was a prize winning sheep, one he is relying on for breeding purposes, if he loses this one individual animal it puts many seasons of breading in danger for him.
After his prize winning buck is stolen, a shepherd must travel with his entire flock of sheep across the country to find the missing sheep.
See lessEDITED: Desperate to save their TV show from cancellation, two feuding co-stars, an aging actress and a troubled younger actor, enter a fabricated public romance to boost ratings
I like the re-write, However; I would take out the line "...that soon turns complicated when..." and just insert the word 'but' This will help the flow of the logline and take out unnecessary wording.---------------------------------------"Desperate to improve ratings for their TV show, an aging actRead more
I like the re-write, However; I would take out the line “…that soon turns complicated when…” and just insert the word ‘but’ This will help the flow of the logline and take out unnecessary wording.
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“Desperate to improve ratings for their TV show, an aging actress and a troubled younger actor enter a fabricated romance, but must outwit a tenacious paparazzo and vengeful ex-lovers out to expose them.”
?
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