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  1. Posted: June 29, 2016In: Comedy

    A cheap con-artist attempts to outrun and outmuscle a Mexican cartel?s butcher by hiring an aspiring-but-clueless circus strongman for protection when he swindles them out of 50 million dollars.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 30, 2016 at 1:31 am

    What Nir Shelter said.And now the strongman is the pivotal character since he has been tagged to solve the con artist's problem. ?His predicament is more interesting. ?Might as well make him the protagonist, someone who unwittingly gets in deeper than he initially realized, had no idea how serious tRead more

    What Nir Shelter said.

    And now the strongman is the pivotal character since he has been tagged to solve the con artist’s problem. ?His predicament is more interesting. ?Might as well make him the protagonist, someone who unwittingly gets in deeper than he initially realized, had no idea how serious the threat was. Because if the con man had been honest about it, the strong man would probably have never taken the job or at the very least upped his price — demanded at least 1/2 of the take.

    Also 50 million dollars seems absurdly high even for a comedy. ?His life would be in mortal danger for a fraction of that. ?But if that’s the number you want to go with, I don’t find it credible that the cartel wouldn’t send one butcher — he’d send an army of hit men to make sure the con artist was killed and the money returned.

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  2. Posted: June 25, 2016In: Comedy

    (REVISED) When a single-minded entrepreneur conducts an unauthorised trial of a ?telepathic phone? in a small town and accidentally transmits a virus that makes everyone lose self-control, she must find a cure with the help of the only uninfected person – a technophobic hippy.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on June 28, 2016 at 8:39 am

    I don't see why a protagonist can't be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the "Doh!" moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as "single-minded", ?I would also describe him as "reckless". ? There is definitely a causal relationshipRead more

    I don’t see why a protagonist can’t be the source of the inciting incident as long ?the “Doh!” moment is caused by his own ?character flaw. ?Instead of describing the protagonist in this logline as “single-minded”, ?I would also describe him as “reckless”. ? There is definitely a causal relationship between his character and the dramatic problem.

    However, when the character flaw is so obviously the cause of dramatic problem, as in this instance, it can become a problem making the protagonist a sympathetic or likable character. ?In this case, I may be more inclined to root for the uninfected person, not only to solve the dramatic problem but also pop the balloon of the protagonist’s ego in the process, cut him down to size for the “dramatic sin” of hubris in the form of recklessness and single-mindedness. ?

    To wit, ?the uninfected person ?becomes the pivotal character — because the protagonist needs him to clean up the mess he created. ?He becomes life-saving hero of the story.

    Hmm. ?Maybe the plot and logline should be re-engineered to make the uninfected person the protagonist.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: June 26, 2016In: Comedy

    After being accidentally cryogenically frozen, four Brooklyn hipsters wake up 50 years later to find their neighborhood overtaken by corporations, and must fight to save the last standing bar from becoming a Starbucks.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on June 27, 2016 at 2:26 pm

    Don't let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance. Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn't have with one? As I don'Read more

    Don’t let the allure of an ensemble cast blind you to a good structure. Multi protagonist plots are notoriously difficult to pull off well, and subsequently to finance.

    Ask yourself, aside from the group dynamic, what do the multi protagonists give the story that it wouldn’t have with one? As I don’t see how having 4 main characters actually helps.

    To that matter building high, and preferably personal, stakes for 4 separate characters is both very difficult and inefficient – it’s hard enough to do well with one.

    Secondly I find that laughing at hipster’s “skewed” priorities has not only been done, but also likely to fill no more than a scene or two at most worth of comedy.? For a full length feature to be made out of it, you need more, hens the suggestion for more/higher/personal stakes.

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