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  1. Posted: July 6, 2016In: Comedy

    A new actress in a year-round haunted house attraction falls for the resident ladykiller

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on July 6, 2016 at 6:05 am

    And then what happens? ?The logline sets up a 1st Act situation but has no 2nd Act ?plot.As a result of falling in love for the "ladykiller", ?what becomes the woman's objective goal? ?What becomes the dramatic problem? ? What difference does it make to the actress as to how the relationship works oRead more

    And then what happens? ?The logline sets up a 1st Act situation but has no 2nd Act ?plot.

    As a result of falling in love for the “ladykiller”, ?what becomes the woman’s objective goal? ?What becomes the dramatic problem? ? What difference does it make to the actress as to how the relationship works out? ?Or to the audience — why should they care or be interested in what happens? ?What’s at stake?

    You might want to check out the “Training” option at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry standard guideline.

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  2. Posted: July 2, 2016In: Comedy

    A racially prejudices cricket fan about to lose the family hotel goes back in time with his prospective Indian son in law and must overcome his prejudices if he is to get back to his own time and save the pub.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on July 2, 2016 at 6:44 pm

    The logic employed at the base of your concept doesn't work. If the hotel is an ancient Aboriginal sacred ground, then how would he prevent the hotel from being taken away by traveling back in time? If it isn't the case then how will traveling back in time,?prevent?him from losing the hotel in the pRead more

    The logic employed at the base of your concept doesn’t work.

    If the hotel is an ancient Aboriginal sacred ground, then how would he prevent the hotel from being taken away by traveling back in time?
    If it isn’t the case then how will traveling back in time,?prevent?him from losing the hotel in the present for what ever reason it is that he loses it?

    I think best to devise an inciting incident that forces him to take action, which logically prevents the hotel from being taken away?other wise, as DPG noted, ?the time travel element is unrelated and convoluted.

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  3. Posted: July 2, 2016In: Comedy

    Logline- A racially prejudiced cricket fan about to lose the family hotel because it has been declared aboriginal land, and he lacks funds for back rent , goes back to 1938 with his prospective Indian son in law where he finds a solution, a 1930 penny and learns his true heritage is aboriginal, but he has only 24 hours to overcome overcome mistrust and mistaken identity in a war weary Australia and he must work with his son in law if he is to survive an aboriginal curse, and and get back to his own time .

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on July 2, 2016 at 10:58 am

    There is a lot going on in this story. Time travel, A curse, Prejudice, A fight to save his hotel, war, and apparently cricket. It's so jumbled I can't see ultimately what's at the heart of the story. Is the heart of the story saving his hotel? Is the heart of the story overcoming his prejudices? IsRead more

    There is a lot going on in this story. Time travel, A curse, Prejudice, A fight to save his hotel, war, and apparently cricket. It’s so jumbled I can’t see ultimately what’s at the heart of the story. Is the heart of the story saving his hotel? Is the heart of the story overcoming his prejudices? Is the heart of the story getting back to his own time period? At it’s heart, what is this story about?

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