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An arrogant, popular high school homophobe, plagued by a series of bizarre electrical mishaps, struggles to overcome what he believes is a curse and, after he discovers a conspiracy that threatens their town, must work with gay and lesbian teen witches who despise him. [One-hour primetime series, Veronica Mars meets Charmed]
The latest draft of this logline adds more adjectives, but not detail and plot points. As DPG said, the super power he gets is unclear and as a super hero story it needs to be very clear. Secondly I still don't see the connection between the elements you're describing: The MC getting super-powers doRead more
The latest draft of this logline adds more adjectives, but not detail and plot points.
As DPG said, the super power he gets is unclear and as a super hero story it needs to be very clear.
Secondly I still don’t see the connection between the elements you’re describing:
See lessThe MC getting super-powers doesn’t relate to the discovery of a conspiracy, a conspiracy doesn’t necessarily mean a threat to a whole town, the threat doesn’t relate to a group of gay and lesbian teenagers and their being gay and lesbians doesn’t relate to their magic powers.
Lastly, what does he NEED to achieve in this first episode, and how will a group of teenage magicians help him achieve this goal?
An arrogant, popular high school bully discovers ? but can?t control ? strengthening-yet-unpredictable powers and is branded an outcast which compels him to work with a coven of gay and lesbian teen witches to uncover a conspiracy that threatens their town.
I agree that even though the concept is for a series, the logline should describe a plot for the pilot episode. You obviously disagree about my suggestion that the logline ?would be more effective with a clear description of the superpowers. ?Good luck, if that's the way you want to do it. ?(IMHO ,Read more
I agree that even though the concept is for a series, the logline should describe a plot for the pilot episode.
You obviously disagree about my suggestion that the logline ?would be more effective with a clear description of the superpowers. ?Good luck, if that’s the way you want to do it. ?(IMHO , you’ll need it.)
See lessAn amateur actress at a haunted house attraction struggles with her decision to stay at the job she loves while trying to get over a guy who isn’t easy to get over..
Trimmed down, leaner and easier to read - ti's much of an improvement. Struggles great, but to what end? Her decision will constitute a single scene in act one, what will be her main action in act two? What is her over arching goal in the A plot?
Trimmed down, leaner and easier to read – ti’s much of an improvement.
Struggles great, but to what end?
Her decision will constitute a single scene in act one, what will be her main action in act two? What is her over arching goal in the A plot?
See less