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  1. Posted: August 9, 2016In: Comedy

    A young man named Abdelhafid who suffers from personality disorder starts a show where he will go on exposing a woman who cheated on her husband , but after one of his personalities expose the case , another personality takes over and starts its own show where they expose the other shows

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 10, 2016 at 2:25 pm

    If your goal is to comment on how cheap run-of-the-mill reality shows exploit people, I believe the premise needs work. As the others have noted, the plot is unclear and the concept vague. However the subject matter can be interesting, try to distill your character and actions down to a clear goal aRead more

    If your goal is to comment on how cheap run-of-the-mill reality shows exploit people, I believe the premise needs work.

    As the others have noted, the plot is unclear and the concept vague. However the subject matter can be interesting, try to distill your character and actions down to a clear goal and motivation combo.

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  2. Posted: August 8, 2016In: Comedy

    After spending too much time in the dispensary, two cannabis enthusiasts must hurry home to make it on time for their weekly tv ritual.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 10, 2016 at 1:48 pm

    The plot in this logline seems vague, and as the primary function of a logline is to describe the plot, this is a problem.What is the inciting incident? What starts them off on their journey? Even in comedy, and in this instance stoner comedy, conventional structure is often observed - take Harold aRead more

    The plot in this logline seems vague, and as the primary function of a logline is to describe the plot, this is a problem.

    What is the inciting incident? What starts them off on their journey?
    Even in comedy, and in this instance stoner comedy, conventional structure is often observed – take Harold and Kumar Go to White
    Castle as an example.

    Second make the goal and motivation clear to the reader within the context of the logline, just specifying that they want to watch TV is not enough. What is it about this particular show that they MUST watch?

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  3. Posted: August 8, 2016In: Comedy

    A struggling rock band must fight through petty rivalries, a dickhead manager and the zombie apocalypse, saving their band and the world on their way to the top.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on August 8, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    No need for ritual in this instance, zombies are a trope, best to jump into the action - how the good guys choose to fight them. The uniqueness of the action the main characters take to fight the zombies in a zombie flick is what will make it interesting. All the rest of the stuff; obnoxious managerRead more

    No need for ritual in this instance, zombies are a trope, best to jump into the action – how the good guys choose to fight them. The uniqueness of the action the main characters take to fight the zombies in a zombie flick is what will make it interesting. All the rest of the stuff; obnoxious managers, love interest and inner group tensions are a given and need not be elaborated on in the logline.

    My try:
    After a zombie apocalypse a rock band discover their unique sound kills zombies they must now save humanity while climbing to the top of the charts.

    26 words.

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