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In order to fit in, a group of fresh-faced college students join a quirky, offbeat club about spreading positivity that regularly forces them out of their comfort zones.
Mac17:I suggest "Desperate to fit in..." rather than "In order to fit in..." in order to establish the intensity of her need. ?And "driven but socially inept..." (or something similar) rather than just "driven..." because ?"driven" alone doesn't convey a sense of the character flaw that motivates heRead more
Mac17:
I suggest “Desperate to fit in…” rather than “In order to fit in…” in order to establish the intensity of her need. ?And “driven but socially inept…” (or something similar) rather than just “driven…” because ?”driven” alone doesn’t convey a sense of the character flaw that motivates her action to form the club — and the flaw that threatens to frustrate her efforts at every turn.
I’m not sure how ?”spreading positivity” translates into specific scenes and incidents. ?Could you give me a few examples.
And is “forcing members into awkward social situations” a conscious intention, or an unintended consequence?
To address CraigDGriffiths review, ?it seems to me that the stakes are clear and legitimate and important to the characters. ?The misfits are desperate to find social acceptance by their peers.
See less[Revisedx2] For refusing to buy more catnip, a vengeful cat calls upon the dark arts to end an insensitive mother’s career.
...or here is a take with the focus on the Girl as the Protag (a bit long in the word-count...): 'A lonely young girl learns spell weaving from her magical cat in order to curse her career obsessed mother with backward speech as revenge for refusing to restock the cat?s supply of catnip.' Anyways --Read more
…or here is a take with the focus on the Girl as the Protag (a bit long in the word-count…):
‘A lonely young girl learns spell weaving from her magical cat in order to curse her career obsessed mother with backward speech as revenge for refusing to restock the cat?s supply of catnip.’
Anyways — just some ideas.
See less[Revisedx3] At the worst possible moment, a girl calls upon the dark arts to teach her mother to be nicer to the cat.
Your previous logline attempts were better. The problem with this one, "At the worst possible moment" (Know thing from previous attempts) is from the point of view of the mother. But the lead character is the girl/cat. I liked the inciting incident where you told us her mother turns her into a cat.Read more
Your previous logline attempts were better.
The problem with this one, “At the worst possible moment” (Know thing from previous attempts) is from the point of view of the mother. But the lead character is the girl/cat.
I liked the inciting incident where you told us her mother turns her into a cat. That sets up the revenge angle, which tells us the leads goal.
See less