1. Posted: September 5, 2016In:

    When their two best friends suddenly die, an adventurous wife and risk-averse husband discover in the will that they must scatter the ashes in a remote Italian village, propelling them on a European road trip that will challenge their relationship.

    Gaia Logliner

    Hi guys, I really appreciate all the feedback! It's really been helpful. To answer some of your questions: @ Nir Shelter: As for the motivation for the road trip, ?the will acts as a excuse for the wife to go on a roads trip as she has always dreamed of going on a big adventure, but ?her risk-averseRead more

    Hi guys, I really appreciate all the feedback! It’s really been helpful.
    To answer some of your questions:

    @ Nir Shelter: As for the motivation for the road trip, ?the will acts as a excuse for the wife to go on a roads trip as she has always dreamed of going on a big adventure, but ?her risk-averse and resistant to change of a husband never wanted to. So this is her chance.

    dpg I agree, I think it’s important to set the location as Europe as this is very much a love letter to Europe.

    @Moses99, thank you will try and tighten things more!

    The two people that die are their best married couple friend with whom they shared a life time of closeness, and had many plans together for their retirement. All of a sudden, this is shattered by their death, and leaves them in shock about how fragile life is. This motivated the wife to seize life while there is still time. Especially because they are about to become grandparents for the first time.

    Thank you so much guys for all your input!

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: September 7, 2016In:

    A fanatical sports fan inherits a huge fortune from a previously unknown uncle. However, the estate includes ownership of his own teams hated local rivals and the proviso that he will only inherit if he takes control of them and leads them to the best season in their history.

    dpg Singularity

    What FFF said. ?He should not only hate the team he's inherited but the deceased uncle. ? ?The uncle is someone who he knew only too well. ?The hatred was mutual which is why the uncle bequeathed it to him, as a malicious, vindictive joke. And it ?might also strengthen the story if he doesn't just wRead more

    What FFF said. ?He should not only hate the team he’s inherited but the deceased uncle. ? ?The uncle is someone who he knew only too well. ?The hatred was mutual which is why the uncle bequeathed it to him, as a malicious, vindictive joke.

    And it ?might also strengthen the story if he doesn’t just want the money — he desperately?needs it; he’s on the verge of financial ruin from his own failed investments, business venture, whatever.

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: September 6, 2016In:

    Approaching middle age and divorced; a British IT professional needs more fun injecting into his life. After moving to Bangkok and working as a teacher, he faces an overdose of funny situations.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The first sentence can be cut from the logline - it's back story and is not relevant to the plot.Then, as mentioned above, describe the inciting incident that motivates him to move. Secondly, and most importantly, what is his specific goal? What MUST he achieve in his move? If it's more fun, then deRead more

    The first sentence can be cut from the logline – it’s back story and is not relevant to the plot.

    Then, as mentioned above, describe the inciting incident that motivates him to move. Secondly, and most importantly, what is his specific goal? What MUST he achieve in his move? If it’s more fun, then describe what that means in practical terms.

    Lastly, best to avoid vague description such as “…overdose of funny situations?”. Unless you describe the details of the plot, you’re asking the reader to come up with them for you – the point of a logline is for you to inform the reader not the other way around.

    See less
    • 0