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  1. Posted: September 6, 2016In: Comedy

    After deciding they are together for the long haul, recent college graduates and lovers, Wyatt and Emma, have their relationship tested as they move across the country for a job that doesn’t actually exist.

    [Deleted User]
    Added an answer on September 7, 2016 at 5:49 am

    This doesn't have any flow. You break it up too much when the goal of a logline should basically be to clearly and concisely tell your story in about 20-30 words. The advice above is great and I don't really have anything to add but I hope this helps.

    This doesn’t have any flow. You break it up too much when the goal of a logline should basically be to clearly and concisely tell your story in about 20-30 words. The advice above is great and I don’t really have anything to add but I hope this helps.

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  2. Posted: September 6, 2016In: Comedy

    A newly engaged woman realizes she spent all her childhood searching for love and no time making friends. Determined to ?have it all?, she sets out to find friends and discovers it?s much harder now as an adult.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 6, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    One screenwriting guru divides stories into "masculine mode" and "feminine mode". ?"Masculine mode" stories are about a protagonist (male or female) striving to achieve an objective goal. ?"Feminine mode" stories are about a protagonist (female more likely, but male, too) seeking to build or repairRead more

    One screenwriting guru divides stories into “masculine mode” and “feminine mode”. ?”Masculine mode” stories are about a protagonist (male or female) striving to achieve an objective goal. ?”Feminine mode” stories are about a protagonist (female more likely, but male, too) seeking to build or repair a relationship, romantic or otherwise.

    Putting aside the issue of ?sexist stereotyping for the ?moment, this seems to be a distinctly “feminine mode” story, a story that focuses on relationship problems. ?Consequently, describing this story in the format of a logline entails a general challenge as well as a particular problem.

    The general challenge is that logline formula is better suited to describing “masculine mode” stories because that’s the mode of most movies (even with a female protagonist.) ?The industry standard ?logline formula describes a protagonist pursuing an objective goal against an antagonist and sundry obstacles. ?Relationship issues may be an important part of the story as a whole, but they are extraneous to a logline.

    IOW: ?the standard logline formula was not designed to describe relationship stories.

    The particular problem with this logline is that it lacks specificity, details that make it stand out from all the other stories about a protagonist?who?has been looking for romantic love and needs non-romantic friendship.

    For instance, whether the story is “masculine” or “feminine” mode, it should be triggered by an inciting incident. ?And that inciting incident needs to be part of the logline. ?However, this logline is unclear as to what the specific incident is that triggers the character’s realization and reorientation of her action.

    Is the inciting incident the engagement, the pending marriage? ?And if so, why would it trigger her realization? ?Does she discover she has no female friends to be bride maids? ?Even though that’s a female version of the groom’s predicament in “I love You, Man” and “The Wedding Ringer”, there may be a good comedy in it because it goes against the stereotype, that women are better at friendships than men.

    And in both of those best man movies, the plot is actually a combination of “female” and “male” modes: ?the guys need to find authentic male friendship (solve a relationship problem) in order to achieve an objective goal (have a best man to stand by them on the wedding day).

    For lack of sufficient details, that is my general suggestion m.o. for constructing a logline for your story.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: September 5, 2016In: Comedy

    After his divorce, a middle aged man needs a new lease of life. He achieves it by moving to a foreign country and changing his career.

    Richiev Singularity
    Added an answer on September 6, 2016 at 11:39 am

    I have to agree with dpg on this one. What country does you lead move to? For an example; in the movie 'Under a Tuscan Sun" A middle aged woman moves to Tuscany to begin again... The country she moves to in many ways becomes the 'hook' of the story. While your country may not be the hook of your stoRead more

    I have to agree with dpg on this one. What country does you lead move to? For an example; in the movie ‘Under a Tuscan Sun” A middle aged woman moves to Tuscany to begin again… The country she moves to in many ways becomes the ‘hook’ of the story.

    While your country may not be the hook of your story, it will still give the readers a strong visualization of the setting just by giving us the name of the country.

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