1. Posted: December 3, 2016In:

    PALEO When her boss at a wild game restaurant turns into a Neanderthal, a vegetarian waitress must solve the puzzle of evolution to escape with her life.

    FFF Mentor

    This is a good concept in my opinion. It's not clear why the waitress should help his boss (can't she just run away?) - anyway I think there are many ways to upgrade this logline, it just needs some work. Good job! And good luck!

    This is a good concept in my opinion. It’s not clear why the waitress should help his boss (can’t she just run away?) – anyway I think there are many ways to upgrade this logline, it just needs some work. Good job! And good luck!

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  2. Posted: November 25, 2016In:

    When hunting season nears for the 20th time in his career, a miserable assassin enrolls in his pregnant wife?s yoga and pilates class to rediscover a desire to kill.

    Lorato Logliner

    I think this would be an interesting movie to watch. I quite like it. However, I can't quite understand the first part of the logline, has he not been able to kill all along in the previous seasons that he has to rediscover the desire? Because that is how it sounds to me. Or is he desperate becauseRead more

    I think this would be an interesting movie to watch. I quite like it.
    However, I can’t quite understand the first part of the logline, has he not been able to kill all along in the previous seasons that he has to rediscover the desire? Because that is how it sounds to me. Or is he desperate because for this season the desire is just not coming? Does the pregnancy play any part in this journey in a more antagonistic way? because if not maybe you should remove it. The objective goal though is very clear and works.

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  3. Posted: November 23, 2016In:

    When he learns his mom has only months to live, a self-absorbed, corporate executive must find his estranged siblings to re-create childhood photos so they make a final gift to their mother before she dies.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This sounds like it has the makings for a nice drama, but I could also see it making a nice comedy - depends on how you choose to swing it.I think best to define the inciting incident in more concrete terms - After his mother is given a month to live...It is a relatively low stakes premise. If theyRead more

    This sounds like it has the makings for a nice drama, but I could also see it making a nice comedy – depends on how you choose to swing it.

    I think best to define the inciting incident in more concrete terms – After his mother is given a month to live…

    It is a relatively low stakes premise. If they fail the mother dies with no visual reference of their childhood, if they succeed she sees some photos – she is no better or worst off either way.

    What if, as a result of her condition,? she lost all her memory of their childhood? Now, instead of showing her something she’s already seen, the siblings have a month to give her back her memory’s of their times together.

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