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  1. Posted: February 19, 2018In: Comedy

    Owner and his telepathically connected dog, impress every one they meet, and take the show on the road to financial independence.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on February 20, 2018 at 11:40 am

    Spike2018, You wrote "...Is paying off gambling debts an inciting incident? Or do I need to be more specific like: Exorbitant Super Bowl losses?" No, paying off debts is a series of actions, not an incident, it's also something that the main character does himself - on his own accord. In previous thRead more

    Spike2018,

    You wrote “…Is paying off gambling debts an inciting incident? Or do I need to be more specific like: Exorbitant Super Bowl losses?”

    No, paying off debts is a series of actions, not an incident, it’s also something that the main character does himself – on his own accord. In previous threads I explained, in detail, what makes a good inciting incident, here it is again – A good inciting incident is a single, out of the ordinary, and motivating event that was initiated by an external force to the main character.

    If I were to convert your above suggestion into an inciting incident it would probably look like this:
    After a bookie cracks his thumb, a lowner, telepathically connected to his dog, goes on the road…

    As Richiev wrote, where is the conflict going to come from? If he’s on the road, well, he’s on the road doing his thing – not much to it. What If the bookie were to pursue him? Then you have a source of conflict.

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  2. Posted: February 15, 2018In: Comedy

    Spike a shy, autistic football genius finds a teams playbook, easily memorizes it, then morphs into a gregarious man about town while helping the head coach win the big game

    Valentin Samurai
    Added an answer on February 18, 2018 at 2:05 pm

    As stated by previous reviewers, this Logline is a mess. Moreover I don't think that as describe the motivation to hire your autistic character makes sense. To me it would make more sense if the playbook is lost or destroyed during the head coach accident. When the substitute coach realises that theRead more

    As stated by previous reviewers, this Logline is a mess. Moreover I don’t think that as describe the motivation to hire your autistic character makes sense. To me it would make more sense if the playbook is lost or destroyed during the head coach accident. When the substitute coach realises that the autistic character has memorised the entire playbook, then it makes sense to hire him and try to integrate him into the coaching staff.

    When an autistic football savant is hired to help a newly appointed football head coach, he must convince both his family, doctors and sceptic players of his ability to avoid being permanently committed.

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  3. Posted: November 1, 2017In: Comedy

    A small town reporter tells a little white-lie to boost his ego and it snowballs out of controll. He must now make that lie a reality or be shamed out of town.

    spike2018 Logliner
    Added an answer on February 14, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Agree with the other reviews. The first thing that caught my eye was little white lie.? If it were in quotation marks, it might give? it a larger significance, ?meaning it might actually be a larger lie and the?reader will wonder what it really is.?I like the concept and can immediately relate to thRead more

    Agree with the other reviews. The first thing that caught my eye was little white lie.? If it were in quotation marks, it might give? it a larger significance, ?meaning it might actually be a larger lie and the?reader will wonder what it really is.?I like the concept and can immediately relate to the story. What if he told the lie to a specific person he thought he could trust and they can’t hold a secret?? As word gets out about the big lie than the challenge becomes even greater and maybe even more fun.

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