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  1. Posted: February 25, 2018In: Comedy

    On the night of his big break, an up-and-coming comedian interrupts a pharmacy robbery, triggering a madcap chain of events as he races against the gang and the clock to get back to the theatre.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on February 25, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increasRead more

    Nice premise, I would change it so the MC is the only witness to the crime and as such, they want to kill him. He must now dodge their bullets, lose them in the streets of LA and make it to the theater on time. I would even take it one step further and describe the nature of his big break to increase the stakes. What if he was invited on to the Late Show for his career making appearance? For most comedians that’s a do or die, only for him it applies literally as well.

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  2. Posted: February 22, 2018In: Comedy

    When her prison-inmate pen pal shows up unexpectedly asking her to go on a trip with him, an introverted true-crime obsessive doesn’t know how to say no – especially when he reveals its to attend his parents golden wedding anniversary which he wasn’t invited.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on February 23, 2018 at 12:55 pm

    Agreed with DPG. You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?

    Agreed with DPG.

    You could cut down on many words in the second half of the logline, and replace them with action and goal descriptions. Does she fall in love with him? If so you could add a personal stake for her, otherwise the whole thing seems rather unmotivated, why do anything with this guy?

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  3. Posted: February 19, 2018In: Comedy

    When a redneck American world champion woodchopper is defeated by the ultimate bogan Australian newcomer, he travels to the land down under to face his nemesis and reclaim the title.

    Valentin Samurai
    Added an answer on February 20, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    Why not combining Foxtrot and Tony Edward comments, the hero is an outlier from the world of wood chopping, maybe an arrogant well educated waspish who makes a living out of the competition. You would be surprise by the number of people who applies to non-standard sports when they realise that theirRead more

    Why not combining Foxtrot and Tony Edward comments, the hero is an outlier from the world of wood chopping, maybe an arrogant well educated waspish who makes a living out of the competition. You would be surprise by the number of people who applies to non-standard sports when they realise that their path is blocked in the usual sport (Most bobsleigh sport person are failed sprinters).
    His opponent is a young woman whom he is attracted to and in the same time very competitive with. She needs the money to save her farm down under. He wants to win, because he needs to keep his sponsors happy.
    Rivalry and courtship at the same time.
    Remember the movie “What women want” with Mel Hibson and Helen Hunt but in the competitive wood chopping world rather than the advertising world.

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