1. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    A devious and successful career Mum is forced to confront her prejudices as her transgender son and her Swedish aupair gang up to provide the requested sumptuous banquet for her terribly important dinner guests..

    JoelChamp Penpusher

    I'm not great at loglines, but for regular people I think this is quite a mouthful, the constant descriptive words kind of make it hard to visualize the story. Nice work tho.

    I’m not great at loglines, but for regular people I think this is quite a mouthful, the constant descriptive words kind of make it hard to visualize the story. Nice work tho.

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  2. Posted: April 6, 2018In:

    Logline: A total womanizer transforms his female best friend from clinger to player, finds himself attracted to his new creation but has taught her a little too well.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Very good points by candersonm.The plot seems to be a variant of the ancient myth of Pygmalion. (A good modern example is the musical? "My Fair Lady" inspired by the play "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw).The standard way it plays out is through ironic reversal whereby the "creator" falls in loveRead more

    Very good points by candersonm.

    The plot seems to be a variant of the ancient myth of Pygmalion. (A good modern example is the musical? “My Fair Lady” inspired by the play “Pygmalion” by George Bernard Shaw).

    The standard way it plays out is through ironic reversal whereby the “creator” falls in love with his “creation”.? But he is too successful in molding her in the image of his idea of an ideal woman.? He loses control of and is bested by his “creation”.

    “…finds himself attracted to his new creation but has taught her a little too well.”? seems generic and vague.? Exactly how has he taught her all too well?? I seems to me the story needs a? unique angle, a specific fresh take and? a specific new and interesting way she has bested him.

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  3. Posted: April 3, 2018In:

    When amateur thieves break into his retirement home it’s upto an aging war veteran to kick their a**, risking his slip disk

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This reads very well as a premise for a comedy.I would make the stakes higher, money is less relevant for these people than their memories.I would also expand the story to include more of the MC's retirement home commrads: After thieves break into their retirement village, a war veteran must lead aRead more

    This reads very well as a premise for a comedy.

    I would make the stakes higher, money is less relevant for these people than their memories.

    I would also expand the story to include more of the MC’s retirement home commrads:
    After thieves break into their retirement village, a war veteran must lead a group of seniors, walking aids and all, to save their most cherished possessions.

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