Yarsh2468

32 points

268 points to Logliner

Loglines

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on A grieving father takes a job as a janitor to break into a building and gatecrash a Christmas party to exact revenge on those who committed an unspeakable act against his son.

This logline had me HOOKED until you said "unspeakable act". The unspeakable act is directly spoken of when you say, "unspeakable act". However, changing unspeakable out for a different adjective fixes this problem immediately and leaves you with a very…
on During a neighborhood bicycle race a boy must survive the increasing signs of violent, psychopathic behavior of his younger brother.

Protagonist: Boy Antagonist: younger brother Stakes: The Boy's life / Survival Story Goal: ? I think that your premise has emotional potential, but currently it feels like the emotion is missing (in the logline). I am sure that as a…
on While working at a junkyard he finds an old radio which can help him hear to whoever he wants from President of US to his cheating girlfriend anyone.

This is an interesting premise, but could use some work as a logline. There is some emotion within the conflict this character could have with the world around him, yet there seems to be no clear antagonist to the film…